Exhausted

I am tired.

I am tired of being sad, of holding back the tears, of trying to explain.

He did not want me, so I let him go.

To that friend who keeps singing sad love songs for me: stop.

To that friend who will hopefully pass on a message for me: thank you.

To that friend who knows what song exactly it was that i sang right after, and was patient enough to hear me sing it over and over and over: thank you.

To the friends who were patient enough not to force me to talk about it: thank you.

To the friends who spent last tuesday with me until evening fell, despite things they had to deal with themselves: thanks.

To the friends I jam with everyday until my fingers are numb and my throat is hoarse: thanks. jam uli tayo (but not tomorrow).

Everyone: Please. I am doing my best to move on. Probably not in the way you'd want it, but I am doing it. Please just wait a bit more.

To you: Please respect my need for a bit more time. I'm not over it yet. I want to be your friend, but not yet. I need time to heal. I need time before I can face you again without actually making a total fool of myself. I see now how little respect you have of me. But please, please. At least give me this. I will talk to you, but not when you force me to. I will talk with you, in person, when I am ready. In my own time.