Somewhere in the Middle

Amidst the endless discussions of religion and philosophies and what-have-yous,
I am reminded yet again of my high school days, of boring afternoons spent in
gazebos and ledges, talking about our different faiths.

No way! I'm no athiest!

I am not an agnostic.

Really, I'm not.

I mean it.

Thus I have answered numerous inquiries regarding my faith. Despite my numerous explanations, though, it is still rare for people to just accept what I have to say, which is really unbelievable, given that my stand is not in the least bit controversial, that is of course unless you are a religious fanatic.

I was born into a Catholic family, and was raised as a Catholic. I spent three years in a Christian school and four years in a Catholic school, before entering a Science High School, where my first year homeroom teacher is a Jehovah's Witness, my fourth year homeroom teacher is a Born Again Christian pastor, and the principal for most of my stay there was a Mormon.

What did that do to my faith? Nothing really.

I was never religious, which is probably what makes it so difficult for me to wake up every Sunday morning to go to Church and to stay awake during the boring lectures of priests who rarely correlate their sermons with our everyday lives (at least this is the case in our Church). I cannot see the need to go to Church every Sunday as if it was the entire display of our faith. Once again, do not blame my religious influences, for I have held this belief since I was in Grade School, that to be a good person is better than to be an avid Church-goer.

I even remember that one of the lowest grades in an essay that I ever got was for the question "How do we show our love for God?" to which I responded, in a nutshell, being helpful to others, trying to be a positive influence, and every other good deed I could think of EXCEPT going to Church. I was quite disappointed that I did not get a "star" for what I thought was a really good answer.

I never liked going to Church, although when I was a little girl, I enjoyed going to Sunday School where I learned new songs and dances and, when I was a bit older, handing out cookies to the younger kids and participating in Medical Missions and singing in the choir. There was even a time when I served in my school's chapel and was one of the select few with the title of "Chapel Angel". Church was fine as long as I did not have to sit idly and listen.

Maybe it's the fault of my religion teachers, who insisted that we must try to convert others to our faith, because we are at the right, but not to be biased or show criticism to other people's religions. AT THE RIGHT? It just didn't seem at all "right" to me to convince my non-Catholic peers to shift their outlooks to mine just because we THINK we're at the right and are the ones going to heaven.

Some time in my high school days, I lost my faith in the Catholic Church. Though I do not wish to tell further of what took place, I must say that I can no longer stand by a religion whose leaders themselves do not follow what they preach. It was at this time that I began to "officially" open up to the idea of a new religion, though still under the Christian realm. Of course, I was leaning towards the more active faiths, the ones with the dancing and singing and open mindedness that some members of my religion did not possess. The only religious services I looked forward to then were ecumenical ones.

Yes, I believe in a God, but not necessarily our God. I am one of those who find the division of faiths nonsense, and that all the prophets and saints and Jesus Christs and Mohammads all come from just one higher being, not necessarily Yahweh, or Allah, or Brahma, or whoever. Whatever differences modern (and even ancient) religions have, it is because of human thought, which by the way is SO NOT infallible that it's pathetic to even rely on for something that has cost the lives of many over the years and has molded how we go about everything in this world.

No, I am not an agnostic. Like I said, I do believe in a God, or rather, in a higher being that to my religion is called God, and in order to show my praise for the great Creator, I remain a Catholic, in the faith I was brought up to believe in. Do I believe in all the Church's doctrines? Goodness, I don't even agree with a lot of them.

But if I were given a choice, I would rather have no religion at all, and that the whole world would be filled with athiests and agnostics with good hearts, all thinking of the greater good of everyone else. That way, even if we did not have religion, we would all be going to heaven (or whatever it is called in other religions) when we die.

If there is such a thing.