Somebody Loved - A Message to my Dearest Yaya, 40 days later

You turned me into somebody loved.

When I was young, I dreamt of running away with you and having you adopt me as your real daughter. For a little girl who always felt neglected and ignored, who couldn't understand why her parents are hardly ever around, you were safety and home. Your simple love was the one thing I never had to work hard for, never needed to ask for, never begged for. With you, I never had to put up pretenses. I didn't need to win any pageants, top any exams, or accumulate any talents. You were proud of me because I was your kindest alaga, and that was the ONE thing I was always proud of.

The past weeks have been difficult, and I always feel like I'm drowning. But I'm soldiering on. I'm going to keep doing the things I don't have to do to make you even prouder of me. I'll take care of my parents and I'll raise my siblings well, just like you taught me.

If there is a heaven, rest well and give my regards to our family and friends there. Someday, I'll find you again.

We're Still Blessed

Sometime in my dreary past, I recall one well-respected professor's lecture. He said that calamities only happen when there are people who are affected. If nobody's around, then the flood, hurricane, volcanic eruption, storm, flood and whatnot is just an ordinary occurence in nature.

The "city dream" has brought so many people from the provinces to Metro Manila, in hopes of a better life. I know it's not the time for blame, but if everyone who had some kind of capability provided opportunities for our countrymen outside the metro, then they wouldn't have given up everything to come to the city for a measly two to three-digit measly wage.

If there's anyone to blame, I blame our whole nation for making the city life appear more glorious, more successful, more promising than it actually is. I blame the TV shows and movies that say, "Hey, everyone who's anyone lives in the city!" I blame any cityfolk who comes to the provinces and brags about how "great" his life is. I blame anyone from the provinces who comes home to brag about all his/her imitation bags, clothes and dvds and basks in the envy of his neighbors and friends. I blame the people from the provinces for not knowing any better, and I blame everyone else (myself included) for not having done anything sooner and contributed to this calamity one way or another.

I've never been much of a believer in a god who punishes his people and motivates them through rewards. I've always believed that, if there is someone (or someones) or something (or somethings) out there, watching out for us, then he/she/it/they would not want for anything bad to happen to us. He/she/it/they would do his/her/its/their best to protect their people.

So, at times like this, my faith becomes even stronger. I do not know who or what is out there, but to think that Ondoy has left such a small body count (yes, it actually is small if you compare it with the number of survivors), I can't help but believe that someone, something, somewhere, made that small body count possible. Just enough to make us listen, but not so many that we, as a people, cannot rise again.

Walang Kwenta [Blockmates please read postscript only]

Sa BA steps habang naghihintay ng sundo...

...

Pre: Eh kamusta ka na? Nakakaaral ka pa ba naman?

Judd: Oo, wala nga lang akong tulog. Weekends ako bumabawi. Ang galing mo nga eh, nakakapag-blog ka pa.

Pre: Tignan mo naman mga post ko, puro sabaw. Di man lang pinag-iisipan.

Judd: May emo post ka na naman nga eh.

Pre: Eh ganun.

Judd: Still waiting?

Pre: Di lang yun. Hinahabol ko pa. Hahaha.

*Judd sits down*

Judd: Okay ka lang ba?

Pre: Yup. Haha. I've set a deadline for myself. It's been so long.

*Judd pats Pre's back*

...

Pambihira. Walang mabigay na advice or "ok lang yan" or anything? Fayetot, alam mo ba kung gaano ka-walang kwenta si Juddtot pag sya lang kausap ko at wala ka? *sigh*

But there. For once, I followed someone's advice (Eya's), and now I'm following mine. Never leave things halfway, follow through, with reason. Then, if after all your efforts it's really not working, back out graciously and in good faith. But only when you've exhausted all means possible.

I've set some obligations with myself. The first one with a resolutory condition to give up at a certain date to which I have agreed to, and the other containing a suspensive condition, the obligation being to start learning to accept the fact that I've done my best and to live up to the "Kung ayaw nya, wag nya" mantra, which shall take into effect the moment the obligation with the resolutory condition has already been extinguished. If only I could forge an agreement with a penal clause with myself to forget about him, but I'm afraid the penalties may be too much for me to afford. *Obviously, I've made some progress with reading Oblicon*

Hay.

P.S. Classmates, super sorry talaga sa incident sa Law kahapon. Sabi ng iba, the answer lies in the "requisites of condonation or remission" (p. 240). So if ever lumabas, ayun. Hay... super sorry talaga. :(

Tama Ba Naman Yun?

Matapos masabon dahil sa 5K phone bill...

Mama: Anak, alam mo ba yung anak ng isa nating mistah na-ospital? Nabugbog din daw sa frat, sa La Salle naman. St. Benilde daw.

Me: Ah, aray.

Papa: Paano nga ginawa dun sa inyo?

Me: Po? Di ba nag-resign ako sa ROTC?

Papa: Hindi, yung sorority mo.

Me: Ha? Yung sorority sa CBA? Di naman ako kasali dun?

Papa: Hindi, yung soro na kasali ka. Paano kayo dun?

Mama: *laughs* Ah, hindi yata nila pinalo yan, takot kasi sila sa sakit nya.

Me: HA?!?!?! Wala naman talaga pumalo sa'kin.

Papa: Eh ano ginawang initiation nyo?

Me: EH WALA NAMAN AKONG SORO. 0_o

What a family. All this time akala pala ng dad ko may sorority ako, and wala man lang onting takot?! Tapos yung mom ko na andito naman the whole time akala din may palo sa JPIA, cinonfuse pa nya sa usapan namin ni papa. Anubeeeeh. Hay. Weird world.

Nananadya ang McDo Soundspeople

In the midst of case-ing...

Tama ba namang pagsunudin ang Jai Ho at Boom Boom Pow sa pag-play?

Sentimentality is SO not good for case discussions. Nakakadistract. Haha.

Boom boom boom.