Chronicles of Dreams :: Another Chapter

We're Still Blessed

2009-10-01T18:08:00.000+08:00

Sometime in my dreary past, I recall one well-respected professor's lecture. He said that calamities only happen when there are people who are affected. If nobody's around, then the flood, hurricane, volcanic eruption, storm, flood and whatnot is just an ordinary occurence in nature.

The "city dream" has brought so many people from the provinces to Metro Manila, in hopes of a better life. I know it's not the time for blame, but if everyone who had some kind of capability provided opportunities for our countrymen outside the metro, then they wouldn't have given up everything to come to the city for a measly two to three-digit measly wage.

If there's anyone to blame, I blame our whole nation for making the city life appear more glorious, more successful, more promising than it actually is. I blame the TV shows and movies that say, "Hey, everyone who's anyone lives in the city!" I blame any cityfolk who comes to the provinces and brags about how "great" his life is. I blame anyone from the provinces who comes home to brag about all his/her imitation bags, clothes and dvds and basks in the envy of his neighbors and friends. I blame the people from the provinces for not knowing any better, and I blame everyone else (myself included) for not having done anything sooner and contributed to this calamity one way or another.

I've never been much of a believer in a god who punishes his people and motivates them through rewards. I've always believed that, if there is someone (or someones) or something (or somethings) out there, watching out for us, then he/she/it/they would not want for anything bad to happen to us. He/she/it/they would do his/her/its/their best to protect their people.

So, at times like this, my faith becomes even stronger. I do not know who or what is out there, but to think that Ondoy has left such a small body count (yes, it actually is small if you compare it with the number of survivors), I can't help but believe that someone, something, somewhere, made that small body count possible. Just enough to make us listen, but not so many that we, as a people, cannot rise again.

Walang Kwenta [Blockmates please read postscript only]

2009-08-12T17:23:00.000+08:00

Sa BA steps habang naghihintay ng sundo...

...

Pre: Eh kamusta ka na? Nakakaaral ka pa ba naman?

Judd: Oo, wala nga lang akong tulog. Weekends ako bumabawi. Ang galing mo nga eh, nakakapag-blog ka pa.

Pre: Tignan mo naman mga post ko, puro sabaw. Di man lang pinag-iisipan.

Judd: May emo post ka na naman nga eh.

Pre: Eh ganun.

Judd: Still waiting?

Pre: Di lang yun. Hinahabol ko pa. Hahaha.

*Judd sits down*

Judd: Okay ka lang ba?

Pre: Yup. Haha. I've set a deadline for myself. It's been so long.

*Judd pats Pre's back*

...

Pambihira. Walang mabigay na advice or "ok lang yan" or anything? Fayetot, alam mo ba kung gaano ka-walang kwenta si Juddtot pag sya lang kausap ko at wala ka? *sigh*

But there. For once, I followed someone's advice (Eya's), and now I'm following mine. Never leave things halfway, follow through, with reason. Then, if after all your efforts it's really not working, back out graciously and in good faith. But only when you've exhausted all means possible.

I've set some obligations with myself. The first one with a resolutory condition to give up at a certain date to which I have agreed to, and the other containing a suspensive condition, the obligation being to start learning to accept the fact that I've done my best and to live up to the "Kung ayaw nya, wag nya" mantra, which shall take into effect the moment the obligation with the resolutory condition has already been extinguished. If only I could forge an agreement with a penal clause with myself to forget about him, but I'm afraid the penalties may be too much for me to afford. *Obviously, I've made some progress with reading Oblicon*

Hay.

P.S. Classmates, super sorry talaga sa incident sa Law kahapon. Sabi ng iba, the answer lies in the "requisites of condonation or remission" (p. 240). So if ever lumabas, ayun. Hay... super sorry talaga. :(

Tama Ba Naman Yun?

2009-08-10T13:25:00.000+08:00

Matapos masabon dahil sa 5K phone bill...

Mama: Anak, alam mo ba yung anak ng isa nating mistah na-ospital? Nabugbog din daw sa frat, sa La Salle naman. St. Benilde daw.

Me: Ah, aray.

Papa: Paano nga ginawa dun sa inyo?

Me: Po? Di ba nag-resign ako sa ROTC?

Papa: Hindi, yung sorority mo.

Me: Ha? Yung sorority sa CBA? Di naman ako kasali dun?

Papa: Hindi, yung soro na kasali ka. Paano kayo dun?

Mama: *laughs* Ah, hindi yata nila pinalo yan, takot kasi sila sa sakit nya.

Me: HA?!?!?! Wala naman talaga pumalo sa'kin.

Papa: Eh ano ginawang initiation nyo?

Me: EH WALA NAMAN AKONG SORO. 0_o

What a family. All this time akala pala ng dad ko may sorority ako, and wala man lang onting takot?! Tapos yung mom ko na andito naman the whole time akala din may palo sa JPIA, cinonfuse pa nya sa usapan namin ni papa. Anubeeeeh. Hay. Weird world.

Nananadya ang McDo Soundspeople

2009-08-10T07:04:00.000+08:00

In the midst of case-ing...

Tama ba namang pagsunudin ang Jai Ho at Boom Boom Pow sa pag-play?

Sentimentality is SO not good for case discussions. Nakakadistract. Haha.

Boom boom boom.

Top 10 Reasons Why I Shouldn't Be Loved

2009-08-09T14:51:00.000+08:00

TOP 10 REASONS WHY I SHOULDN'T BE LOVED AGAIN

1. I cuss. [darn my more liberal high school friends]
That's because I speak my mind.

2. I'm fat.
There's much more to me than a non-fat girl. I'm more fit for hugging too.

3. I'm not the most eligible, the prettiest, the sexiest, the most liked or the most popular girl around.
But I'm a good person.

4. I believe there's only a certain amount of affection that should be shown in public.
But I'm sweet, leche.

5. I get jealous. [Hey, I'm human.]
I may get jealous, but I'm not into high drama. I'm jealous, period. No shouting fits, no fights, just silent acceptance that I'm not as pretty as the other girls, but they don't have it as good as I do.

6. I'm insecure.
I'm easy to comfort, at least in the short-term, and I try my best not to be a burden.

7. I want to be loved faithfully and unconditionally.
It's all I ask. I don't ask for material things.

8. I have high standards.
And I think the world of the people I care for. Also, I'm loyal only to people I care for, especially to the one I love.

9. I get darn sentimental.
No excuses. I can't help it, especially when I have reasons to be sentimental.

10. Because I'm damaged.
But damn, when I love, I give my all.

URGENT APPEAL FOR MORE VOLUNTEERS FOR THE TRANSFER OF FORMER PRES AQUINO'S WAKE TODAY

2009-08-03T08:54:00.000+08:00

URGENT APPEAL FOR MORE VOLUNTEERS FOR THE TRANSFER OF FORMER PRES AQUINO'S WAKE TODAY to the Manila Cathedral

Benigno Aquino Jr., Foundation and AYLC are appealing for your help by volunteering and mobilizing your friends as helping hands at the wake, beginning 1pm Monday to Wednesday morning. Work in 6hour shifts:
1 pm - 7 pm
7 pm - 1 am
1 am - 7 am
7 am - 1 pm

Text your name, number and shift sched to Dred Ople at 09175117354.

Please help repost.

Paano mag-Nobody si Scooby Doo?

2009-07-31T19:26:00.000+08:00

Rriii rwant nobarreh nobarreh brut ryou.

Syemay. Wala na ko matinong maisip. Too happy to think. Endorphins endorphins endorphins.

Intertwined

2009-07-21T19:25:00.000+08:00

It's kind of depressing to hear of a friend's sad story, especially when she and I seem to share a somewhat interconnected fate when it comes to misfortune.

Frankly, I'm scared.

Symptoms of a Work-aholic

2009-07-16T02:04:00.000+08:00

Pre napadaan sa JPIA tambayan.

Kuya Carlo: Hi Pre!

Pre: Hi, kuya!

Kuya Carlo: Happy ka today ah.

Pre: Pagod na pagod nga eh. Pero mas relaxed yata ako.

Kuya Carlo: Nakow, Pre. Ganyan ata ang work-aholic.

Pre: Hahaha.

Ang cornyyy. Ay, di kasi joke.

That Certain Oomph

2009-07-15T19:04:00.000+08:00

I wish I'd stop trying to cyber-stalk that certain person. I wish the opportunity would stop presenting itself. I wish I could just ignore the temptation of hurting myself more. I wish I could just not care.

Most of all, I wish to wake up tomorrow and for once in so long a time, feel as if the world has not yet ended.

-------------------

There's this fine line between sentimental and emo. Now, can someone get me a blade?

PRECIOUS needs A HOME

2009-07-13T17:28:00.000+08:00

Type in the following and choose the first choice (that makes sense) that
appears on the list.

1) Type in "[your name] needs" in Google search:

[Lovely] Precious needs A HOME.

ay, ang drama.

2) Type in "[your name] looks like" in Google search:

Precious looks DADDY'S LITTLE ANGEL.

> awwwww.

3) Type in "[your name] likes" in Google search:

Precious likes TO EAT NORI.

>no, I don't. my sister does though. she luuuurvs nori.

4 ) Type in "[your name] says" in Google search:

Precious says ACTRESS.

> eh?

5) Type in "[your name] wants" in Google search:

Precious Wants RRA MATEKONI TO "ASK ME AGAIN".

> who's he?

6) Type in "[your name] does" in Google search:

Precious does NOT, HOWEVER GUARANTEE THE ACCURACY OFTHE INFORMATION.

> parang waiver. :))

7) Type in "[your name] hates" in Google search:

Precious hates IT!

>what's "it"?

8) Type in "[your name] goes" in Google search:

Precious goes POP.

>depending on the context, that's either cool or morbid. 0_o

9) Type in "[your name] loves" in Google search:

Precious loves BOUTIQUE.

>uh... ok?

10) Type in"[your name] is" in Google search:

Precious is TAKEN FROM YOU.

>woah. didn't see that coming.

** survey, formatting, etc. [everything except answers and comments] were taken from AJ's multiply site.

A Real Sad Story

2009-07-10T08:26:00.002+08:00

From The Times
July 10, 2009
Number of adopted children returned to care has doubled in five years

The number of adopted children who have been returned to care homes because their new parents cannot cope with them has doubled in the past five years.
Data obtained under the Freedom of Information Act show that the number has increased by a third in the past year alone as parents struggle with often challenging children who have suffered years of neglect or abuse in their natural families.

Going back into care after living with an adoptive family is a traumatic experience for children, and for the adoptive parents who have to accept their only chance of having a family has gone. It is also a huge cost to an already over-stretched system with the children likely to need expensive specialist care.

The increase in breakdowns comes despite a fall in the number of children being adopted. Only 4,637 children were adopted in 2007, the lowest number since 1999.

The data on breakdowns is in a survey of local authorities, conducted by More4 News and shared with The Times. More4 News will broadcast its special report tonight at 8pm.
Experts say the figures show that many children are being left to suffer at the hands of dysfunctional natural parents for too long before being taken into care by social workers. By the time they are adopted, many have severe emotional or behavioural problems.

Local authorities are not obliged to keep any data on adoption breakdowns and the vast majority of those contacted by More4 News had no figures or only partial records. However, according to the numbers kept by 92 out of 450 local authorities in England, Scotland and Wales, 57 children were returned to care in 2008-09 compared with 26 in 2004-05. If the pattern is repeated across the country, it means more than 250 children were returned to the care system last year.
The Adoption Act of 2002 was supposed to speed up adoption so that children do not have to languish in the care system for too long. However, the bigger problem may be that they are allowed to stay with their natural parents for too long before social workers remove them from their home.

Lord Laming, Britain’s foremost expert on child protection, highlighted this issue in the wake of the Baby P tragedy. He urged social workers to be far more realistic about parents’ ability to turn their lives around and to act more decisively when there are problems.

The figures are also a reflection of the changing face of adoption. Before the 1970s, most adopted children were babies born to single mothers, but today more than three quarters have been removed from their homes because of abuse or neglect. The increase in alcohol and drug abuse among parents is also a growing factor in care proceedings, with parents often being given several chances to break their habit before children are removed.

According to data provided to More4 News by the local authorities, last year only four per cent of adopted children were babies, with the majority aged between one and four. A quarter were aged between five and nine.

Adoption UK, the charity which supports adoptive families, said not enough was being done to help parents to care for a challenging child.

Jonathan Pearce, of Adoption UK, said: “The figures starkly illustrate the difficulties and complexity of modern-day adoptions from care and also highlight the lack of support for adoptive families in their challenging task of being therapeutic parents for traumatised children.”
The charity says the system is still too preoccupied with the intense and lengthy approvals process for would-be adoptive parents, rather than preparing them in advance and helping them afterwards.

Case study ‘I had naively believed in love’

Initially, the adoption seemed to be going well. But Kate discovered that Alex, whom she had adopted when the child was four, had an attachment disorder and heard voices.

“She never left my side, ever,” Kate says. “She couldn’t watch television, she couldn’t play, she didn’t want to play with other children. There was nothing that she could do by herself.”

Alex’s behaviour deteriorated rapidly and she began to torture the family cat. She tried to kill her rabbit. Social services had warned Kate that her daughter’s background was “as bad as it gets”. Alex’s natural mother was an alcoholic and a drug addict.

“I naively believed that with enough love and enough attention and security we could make it all better for her,” Kate says. “But it became a nightmare caring for a child who isn’t attached to you.”

(All names have been changed).

100 Truths ... Procrastination Edition

2009-04-02T20:31:00.000+08:00

100 TRUTHS!

1. Real name: (Marie) Precious Rochelle Ocaban Gan
2. Nickname(s): Precious, Pre, Gan, Pre (different pronunciation), Chot, Techot
3. Zodiac sign: Sagittarius
4. Male or female: Female
5. Elementary: International Christian School
6. Middle School: Miriam College Grade School
7. High School: Quezon City Science High School
8. Hair color: Dark Brown
9. Long or short: Short
10. Loud or Quiet: Quiet
11. Sweats or Jeans: Jeans
12. Phone or Camera: Phone
13. Health freak: Sadly, no.
14. Drink or Smoke?: Drink
15. Do you have a crush on someone? Maybe
16. Eat or Drink: Drink
17. Piercings?: Yup
18. Tattoos: Noooone

HAVE YOU EVER?

19. Been in an airplane: Yes
20. Been on a motorcycle: No. :(
21. Been in a car accident: No, but almost.
22. Been in a fist fight: Yeah. haha.

FIRSTS:

23. First piercing: Ears
24. First best friend: Kim yung nickname niya, back in grade 1. We met under a table when my pencil fell. =))
25. First award: Ooh, yung mga best-in best-in sa preschool.
26. First crush: John Ed Alcantara
27. Where??????!!!!!!!!!!!! Er, school?
28. First big vacation: Boracay?

LASTS:

29. Last person you talked to: Che
30. Last person you texted: Mama
31. Last person you watched a movie with: Dei, Judd and Marlon
32. Last food you ate: Fettucine Alfredo
33. Last movie you watched: Watchmen
34. Last song you listened to: Be Be Your Love by Rachel Yamagata
35. Last thing you bought: Bread Loaf
36. Last person you held hands with. : Nobody's held my hand for a long time.

FAVES:

37. Food: Pasta, Seafood (shrimp and squid)
38. Drinks: Water (seriously), Cali, Iced Tea, Mango, Calamansi and Orange Juice
39. Clothing: Big shirts
40. Books: Patricia Cornwell, Robert Demille, and may others.
41. Music: Indie, Ambient, Neo Soul, Electronica, Alternative, Modern Country
42. Flower: None
44. Movies: Comedies
45. Positions: Don't make me sad.
46. Subjects: English and Math

IN 2008.....

47. kissed in the snow: No snow here.
48. celebrated Halloween: Yes.
49. had your heart broken: Kind of. (2008?)
50. went over the minutes on your cell phone: Yes.
51. someone questioned your sexual orientation: Yes (again!).
52. came out of the closet: No closet to come out of.
53. gotten pregnant: No plans.
54. had an abortion: Didn't even get pregnant.
55. done something you've regretted: N.O. R.E.G.R.E.T.S.
56. broke a promise: Yes
57. hid a secret: Don't I always?
58. pretended to be happy: Yes.
59. met someone who changed your life: I don't think so.
60. pretended to be sick: Yes
61. left the country: No
62. tried something you normally wouldn't try and liked it: Yes!
63. cried over the silliest thing: I never found them silly
64. ran a mile: Mile=___Km?
65. went to the beach with your best friend(s): Yes
66. stay single the whole year: No

CURRENTLY:

67. Eating: Nothing
68. Drinking: Nothing
69. I'm about to reply: Friend asking for help with BA 181
70. Listening to: Sound of A/C
71. Plans for today: RVC in-house, market, BA 181 exam, enroll for piano extension program, celebrate last exam day, prepare things for plansem
72. Waiting for: the world to end

YOUR FUTURE:

73. Want kids?: Yes
74. Want to get married? : Hopefully. Maybe.
75. Careers in mind: Accountant turned Philantrophist

WHICH IS BETTER WITH A GIRL?

76. Lips or eyes?: Eyes
77. Shorter or taller? : Taller
78. Romantic or spontaneous: A little of both
79. Nice stomach or nice arms: Stomach?
80. Sensitive or loud: Sensitive
81. Hook-up or relationship: It depends.
82. Trouble-maker or hesitant: Troublemaker

HAVE YOU EVER:

83. Lost glasses/contacts: Yes
84. Ran away from home: Pseudo-ran away? :))
85. Hold a gun/knife for self defense: At least, not for defense.
86. Killed somebody: In my dreams, yes.
87. Broken someone's heart: I'm not sure if I want his to be broken too.
88. Been arrested: No
89. Cried when someone died: Kahit sa series lang?

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:

90. Yourself: I guess.
91. Miracles: I kind of have to
92. Love at first sight: No
93. Heaven: Again, I have to
94. Santa Claus: Kinda.
95. Sex on the first date: No.
96. Kiss on the first date: On the cheek? Why not? Beso beso. :))

ANSWER TRUTHFULLY:
97. Is there one person you want to be with right now?: Yes.
98. Are you seriously happy with where you are in life? No.
99. Do you believe in God: Yes.
100. Post as 100 truths and tag 15 people: Not a question.

PAMANA

2009-03-31T11:35:00.000+08:00

PAMANA

ni Precious Rochelle O. Gan

“Isa nga hong baso ng yelong nakababad sa coke at isang pandesal na siksik sa keso.”

“Aba, isang bata lang ang alam kong umoorder ng ganyan.” Lumingon si Manang Elena sa upuang bago kong inokupa. “Tino? Tino, ikaw na ba yan? Ang laki-laki mo na, iho! Siguro’y mayaman ka na ngayon, ano?”

Sampung taon na mula nang huli kong nasilayan ang bayan ng San Rafael, ngunit halos wala pa ring nagbago.

Nariyan pa rin ang tindahan ni Mang Igme na paboritong tambayan ng mga lasenggo dito, at itong karinderya ni Manang Elena na amoy usok dahil sa dami ng imported na tabakong pinapadala ng kanyang anak na nagtatrabaho sa States. Mabuti nama’y kahit papaano’y umasenso na si Madam Josepina, rinig na rinig ang ingay ng may kalumaang aircon ng beauty parlor niyang dati’y small-time lang na barberohan.

“Heto na ang order mo, iho.” pumukaw ang boses ni Manang Elena sa aking pagmumuni-muni, “Ano nga palang ginagawa mo dito ngayon sa bayan natin?”

“Wala naman, ho. Dinala lang ako dito ng trabaho ko.” Kahit kaila’y hindi talaga ako magaling makipag-usap sa mga taong nakakaalam sa nakaraan ko. Hindi rin nawala ang pagiging mahiyain ko kapag nakikipagkuwentuhan sa mga nakatatanda sa bayan namin, lalo na kay Manang Elena. Palibhasa’y hindi ko makalimutan ang kahihiyan ko nung nahuli niya kami ng matalik kong kaibigang si Cris na kumuha ng pagkain sa karinderya niya ng walang paalam noong grade 1. Hindi lingid sa kaalaman ni Manang Elena na bihira lang kung makapagtanghalian kami, at dinaan na lang niya sa tawa habang pilit na binabalik sa aming mga munting kamay ang dalawang piraso ng tinapay na sinubukan naming nakawin. “Manang Elena, si Cris nga po pala, kamusta na siya? Nandito pa ba siya?”

“Oo, di naman siya umalis. Ayun, hindi pa rin nagbabago. Tulad noong bata pa kayo, ang dami dami niyong pangarap sa buhay. Gusto mo ba siyang makita? Madalas yun nagpupunta dito para maghapunan. Hintayin mo na lang, ha?”

Una kaming nagkakilala ni Cris noong pitong taong gulang ako. Dalawang taon ang tanda niya sa akin ngunit hindi ito pansin dahil sa pagiging maliit at patpatin niya. Bagong lipat sila noon, dalawa nalang sila ng kanyang ina mula nang iniwan sila ng kanyang ama para sumapi sa rebelde at hindi na muling binalikan. Maliit lang ang San Rafael at walang nananatiling sikreto, kaya’t alam ng lahat ang sitwasyon ni Cris. Madalas siyang tuksuhin ng mga kalaro namin, iniwan daw siya ng tatay niya dahil natakot ito kay Cris na mukha daw kalansay. Madalas siyang mapaaway at ang mga sugat niya mula dito ang dumadagdag sa pagiging nakakatakot ng batang si Cris. Ako lang ang hindi nanukso sa kanya, palibhasa’y hindi ko rin halos kilala ang aking ama. Bihira ko lang siya nakikita at lagi niya kaming iniiwanan dahil sa kanyang trabaho. Kung saan-saan kasi siya nadedestino para makipaglaban. Kung nasaan ang gulo, nandoon din si ama. Sa mura naming edad, hindi namin naisip na maari pa lang magtagpo ang aming mga ama sa labanan. Mahiyain ako at mahinang bata, siya lang ang kaibigan ko dito noon. Kung tutuusin, noong panahong iyo’y ako lang rin ang kaibigan niya.

“Cris, bata ka!” nagising ako sa pag-iisip-isip ng garalgal na boses ni Manang Elena. “Haliko, iho. May naghahanap sayo.” Dahan-dahan akong tumayo mula sa aking kinauupuan. Kamusta na kaya si Cris ngayon? Madami na kayang nagbago sa kanya? Naaalala pa kaya niya ako? “Tino, ikaw ba yan? Pare! Ilang taon ka na bang nawala? Bakit ngayon ka lang bumisita?” Isang malaking ngiti ang dahan-dahang lumitaw sa mukha kong kanina’y puno ng kaba sa muli naming pagkikita ng tangi kong kaibigan.

“Isang dekada nang nagdaan. Buti nakilala mo pa ko. Eto, mabuti naman ako. Wala pa ring asawa. Ikaw, siguro nakatuluyan mo na yung nililigawan mo nung third year tayo, no? Ano nga ba pangalan nun, Jenny ba?” matagal na nga akong nawalay kay Cris, pero dumadating pa din ng natural ang pang-aasar ko sa kanya.

“Tol, alam mo namang ikaw gusto nun e. Pareho lang tayo, malaya pa rin.” Tawa ni Cris, “Anong pinagkakaabalahan mo ngayon, Tino? Anong nangyari sayo mula nang umalis kayo ng ina mo? Ano bang nangyari? Ang bilis niyo kasing umalis tapos wala man lang kaming balita mula sa inyo.” Parang wala pa ring nagbago. Magaan pa din ang pakiramdam namin sa isa’t isa. Sa sandaling iyon, pakiramdam ko’y nagbalik kami sa pagiging kinse anyos at tila isang iglap lang ang lumipas na sampung taon.

Gabi na’t nag-iinuman kami sa tinitirahang kubo ni Cris sa gitna ng palayan. Tahimik dito, marahil kaya’t dito niya napiling tumira. Kahit kaila’y pareho kaming hindi nahilig sa ingay. Pareho na din kaming ulilang buo ngayon, siguro kaya’t mapapansin ang kalat ng lugar. Binatang-binata pa nga talaga.

“Hoy, Tino. Kinakausap kita. Ano na namang nasa isip mo?” Napatingin lang ako’t ngumiti, senyales na hindi ako nakikinig. Kamot-ulo na lamang si Cris at inulit ang tanong, palibhasa’y sanay na siya sa dali kong mawala sa usapan, “Tinatanong kita kung anong dahilan ng biglang niyong pag-alis ng Ermats mo.”

“A, namatay si tatay. Alam mo namang hindi namin kayang bayaran yung upa dun sa bahay namin kung wala ang sweldo niya.” Kibit-balikat ko siyang sinagot. Mahirap mang paniwalaan, wala lang talaga sa akin ang pagkamatay ni Tatay. Di ko naman kasi siya halos nakapiling para mangulila noong nawala siya. “May mga kamag-anak si Tatay sa Maynila, doon kami nanirahan ni Inay. Naging malungkutin si Inay at di nagtagal sinundan niya si Tatay. Tumigil ako sandali ng pag-aaral pero nakapagtapos naman ako. Sa katunayan, isang taon na akong nagtatrabaho.” Yung mga huli kong salita’y kinailangan kong ulitin, sumabay kasi sila sa pag-hikab ko.

“Ang aga-aga pa, inaantok ka na, pare? Napagod ka ata sa biyahe. Saan ka ba nanggaling?”

“D’yan lang sa kampo namin sa San Ignacio. Pahinga ako ngayon, pero babalik din ako sa susunod na linggo. Galing akong Tarlac, yun yung huli kong destino bago rito.”

“Kampo? Nagpulis ka ba, Tino?”

“Hindi, nagsundalo ako. Tinyente, di tulad ni Tatay na hanggang Sarhento lang.” Tumaas ang kilay ni Cris, siguro’y hindi makapaniwala sa sinabi ko. Palibhasa’y siya ang matalik kong kaibigan. Sundalo ang lolo ko, sundalo din ang tatay ko. Yun ang dahilan kung bakit bihira namin siyang nakikita. Gayunpaman, wala akong galit sa mga sundalo. Kung naging absent man si Tatay sa buhay ko, pinili niya iyon. Madami akong kilalang kapwa sundalo ngayon na linggo-linggo nagpapadala ng mga sulat sa kanilang mga anak, at tuwing uwi’y nag-iipon para malibre ang pamilya. Hindi katulad ni Tatay.

Nagbalik sa normal ang mukha ni Cris, at mukhang may mahalagang sasabihin. “A... pare, tutal naman isa ka na palang tinyente, baka pwede mo akong tulungan?”

Sus, yun lang pala. “Oo ba. Anong problema? May nanggugulo bang mga rebelde dito? Hindi pa naman ligtas itong tinitirhan mo. Mag-isa ka sa bahay na ito sa gitna ng bukid, malayo ang susunod na bahay. Huwag kang mag-alala. Magpapadala ako ng ilang tao ko dito. Di mo ata natatanong, big tim na ako.”

Natawa si Cris, bihira kasi ako magyabang noon. “Hindi, ayos lang ako dito. Bago ka lang kasi sa kampong ‘yan pare. Hindi mo pa alam ang mga baho ng ibang sundalo niyo.” Ano daw? “Tanungin mo ang kahit sino dito sa bayan natin. Kumakain sila sa mga karinderya pero hindi nagbabayad, kinukuha nila yung mga paninda ni Mang Igme na walang paalam, ginugulo ang mga kustomer sa parlor. Mbauti sana kung iyon lang...”

“Teka, teka, pare.” Nagugulumihanan kong sagot, “Sobra naman yata yung mga binibintang mo. Saan mo nalaman yang mga yan? Tanod ka ba dito?”

“Ah, parang ganun na nga.” Simula ni Cris, “May binuo kaming samahan dito, tinawag naming ‘Samahan ng Nagkakaisang Mamamayan’. Hindi na kasi maaasahan ang mga alagad ng gobyerno dito, wala nang ginagawa kundi magpalapad ng papel sa mga mamamayan, pero wala naman silang nadudulot ng mabuti. Kami ang gumagawa ng trabaho ng mga tanod, kami din ang nagpaparating ng mga hinaing ng taumbayan. Kami ang...”

Wala akong namalayan hanggang sa nasuntok ko si Cris. “Walanghiya ka, Cris. Rebelde ka pala!”

Nanlaki ang mata ni Cris at bigla siyang tumayo mula sa pinagbagsakan niya sa sahig. “Hindi ako rebelde, Tino! Isa lang akong mamamayang nagmamalasakit sa kapwa!”

“Anong nagmamalasakit? Hindi ba’t kayo yung nanggulo sa kampo namin noong isang linggo? At binugbog pa nga isang kasamahan mo yung isa sundalo namin noong nagpunta siya sa karatig-bayan! Ano bang problema niyo, ha?”

“Wala kaming problema! Yung binugbog ni Kaloy, sinubukang halayin yung kapatid niyang dalaga!”

“ Sinungaling Puro ka palusot! Akala ko ba hindi natin tatanggapin ang pamana ng mga ama natin? Bakit hindi ka tumupad sa pangako?” binuhat ko ang upuan at binato kay Cris, hindi siya nakailag at bumagsak siya sa parehong lugar na binagsakan niya kanina.

“Hindi ako nagpapalusot, Tino! Hindi talaga ako rebelde!” Kung ano man ang sinasabi ni Cris, wala na akong naririnig maliban sa aking paghinga at ang mahinang tawanan sa may di kalayuan. Inikot ko ang lamesa at lumuhod sa harap niya, at pinaulanan ng suntok. Noong una’y hindi siya pumatol, nang biglang may nagbago sa paraan niya ng pagtingin sa akin at muli siyang tumayo at sinipa ako ng malakas. “Tino, gumising ka nga! Hindi lahat ng aktibista ay nagiging mga rebelde!” Binato ko siya ng isang boteng nahulog mula sa mesa, at pagharap muli sa’kin ni Cris ay dumudugo na ang kanyang ilong. “Tino! Hindi kami rebelde! Hindi ako rebelde! Hindi ako gumaya sa Tatay ko, gaya ng hindi ka gumaya sa Tatay mo. Alam ko yun. Sundalo ka, pero hindi ka gumaya sa kanya, dahil iba ka. Iba rin ako, Tino. Ibahin mo ako sa Tatay ko!” pinatid ko si Cris at bumagsak siya sa sahig, hindi siya umiimik ngunit hindi ako natakot. Nawalan lang naman siya ng malay, hindi nakamamatay ang pagbagsak sa sahig.

Sa gitna ng pag-aaway nami’y hindi ko namalayan ang tatlong lalaking nagtatago sa anino ng isang malaking punong mula sa bintana ng bahay ni Cris. Sa sandaling katahimikang sumunod sa pag-aaway namin ni Cris ay naalala ko ang mga nagtatawanan noong nag-uusap kami. “Tingnan niyo nga naman yan. Nagpunta tayo dito para dukutin si Tinyente de Guzmn, e handa na pala silang magpatayan nung pinuno ng SNM,” sabi ng isa sa dalawa niya pang kasama. Kasing bilis ng paglitaw ng galit ko kay Cris ang pagkawala nito. Nangibabaw ang pagiging sundalo ko. Tungkulin muna bago emosyon. Hinila ko ang nakahandusay na katawan ni Cris habang gumagapang malapit sa bintana at sinampal siya para magising. Bumukas ang mga mata ni Cris at sinubukang tumayo ngunit pinigilan ko siya. “Huwag kang gumalaw!” pabulong kong sinabi, “May mga tao sa labas. Tignan mo kung kilala mo sila.”

Sumilip si Cris sa bintana at muling sumalampak sa puwesto namin. Parang namumukhaan ko yung matangkad. Yun si Ka Ambo.” Noong huli akong nasa San Rafael, si Ka Ambo ang isa sa mga pinakamatagal na nagsasaka sa lupain ni Don Salazar. “Tinanggal siya sa trabaho tatlong taon nang nakalilipas. Nahuli kasi siyang nagnanakaw ng bigas. Dalawang araw na kasing hindi kumakain yung mga apo niyang iniwan ng namatay niyang anak,” pagpapatuloy ni Cris. Ngayong pansamantalang tumigil ang paglalaban namin ni Cris ay bumalik ang pagiging parang magkapatid namin. Sumandal ako sa tabi niya. “Bakit hindi sila nakakain?” tanong ko. “Pinusta ni Ka Ambo yung lahat ng sweldo niya sa sabungan, kaso natalo yung mga manak na pambato niya. Kalagitnaan pa yun ng buwan kaya hindi pa sila sinuswelduhan uli.”

“Kasalanan naman pala niya,” simula ko. Umiling si Cris, “Kasalanan niya man, hindi ganoon ang pananaw niya. Kahit man lang raw sana limusan siya ng ipapakain sa mga apo niya, imbis na tanggalin siya sa trabaho. Para kay Ka Ambo, responsibilidad iyon ni Don Salazar. Hindi din siya pinautang ng kooperatiba dahil marami na siyang utang dito. Namatay yung dalawa niyang apo matapos ng isang linggong walang kinakain. Pagkatapos noo’y hindi na namin siya nakita pang muli. Sayang, kung nakumbinse sana namin siyang sumapi sa samaha’y malaki sanang naitulong niya, madami siyang mga kilalang maimpluwensyang tao dito sa atin. Kaso hindi niya man lang tinanggap ang alok namin ng pagtulong.”

“Kung ganoon, bakit nandito siya ngayon? At bakit hindi siya tinulungan ni Don Salazar?”

“Dahil pareho kayo ng inisip ni Don Salazar. Kasalanan naman talaga ni Ka Ambo kung bakit wala siyang mapakain sa mga anak niya. Pero responsibilidad pa rin naman ni Don Salazar na tulungan ang mga nagtatrabaho sa kanya, lalo na ang mga tulad ni Ka Ambo. Sa mga sweldo nila galing kay Don Salazar nanggagaling ang pang-araw araw nilang ikinabubuhay. Ang mga katulad ni ka Ambo ang dahilan ng pagbuo namin sa samahan, para makibaka para sa pangkalahatang ikabubuti ng mga kababayan natin. Kung papapiliin kami’y hindi kami mag-rarally o manggugulo sa kampo ninyo, ngunit hindi kami makapapayag na may mang-aabuso sa mga mamamayan ng San Rafael.”

“Tino, hindi mo ba nakikita? Hindi ako nagrerebelde. Nakikiusap lang ako at ang ibang miyembro ng samahn na huwag sanang tapakan ang mga maliliit na tao. Hindi mo ba naaalala ang pangarap natin noong bata pa tayo? Sabi natin ay tatanggihan natin ang pamana ng pagpapabaya ng mga ama natin at babaguhin natin ang mundo. Iyon lamang ang–” Hindi ako makapagsalita, hiyang hiya ako sa hindi ko pag-intindi sa matalik kong kaibigan. Niyakap ko nalang ng mahigpit si Cris. “Hindi kami rebelde, Tino,” pagpapatuloy niya na mas masigla ngayong bati na kami, “Masdan mo ang mga lalaking nasa labas ng bahay ko, may dalang mga armas at handang makuha ang gusto nila sa ano mang paraan. Sila ang mga rebelde. Sila ang mga kalaban mo, Tino, hindi ako. Tulad mo, hindi ko tinanggap ang pamana ng–”

Hindi ni Cris natapos ang sinasabi niya dahil sa sandaling iyo’y dumungaw si Ka Ambo sa bintana kung saa’y sa ilalim kami nakaupo ni Cris. “Mga ginoo, kamusta?” kita sa kanyang ngiti ang nabubulok niyang mga ngipin, “Tinyente de Guzman, nandito ka pala. Halika’t sumama ka sa’min.” Hindi ko namalaya’y kumuha na pala si Cris ng isang kutsilyong tumalsik mula sa mesa noong nag-aaway kami at sinaksak niya ang braso ni Ka Ambo. “Tino! Tumakbo ka na!” tinulak ako ni Cris papuntang pinto, sa kinatatayuan ko’y natatanaw ko ang mga papalapit na kasamahan ni Ka Ambo.

“Cris! Anong ginagawa mo? Halika na, tumakas na tayong dalawa. Magpapadala ako ng reinforcements.”

“Tino! Huwag na! Umalis ka na, at ako nang makikipag-usap sa kanila.”

“Cris...”
“Hindi kinakailangan ng dahas para masolusyonan ang lahat. Papakinggan ako ni Ka Ambo. Hindi man niya alam, kinauutangan niya ako ng loob. Hindi niya ako sasaktan. Umalis ka na!”

Tila ba isang panaginip ang gabing iyon. Sa mga sumunod na araw ay lagi akong bumabalik sa karinderya ni Manang Elena, ngunit hindi ko nakikita si Cris. Huli kong nabalitaa’y kinuha siyang hostage ng mga rebelde, ngunit hindi namin sila mahanap. Matapos ng ilang buwa’y pinalaya rin nila si Cris dahil wala naman daw siyang naging atraso sa kanya. Nasa Mindanao na ako noong mga panahong iyon.

Pagkatapos ng sampung taon, isang gabi ko lang muli nakasama ang matalik kong kaibigan, at nauwi pa iyon sa isang engkwentro. Gayunpama’y masaya akong maalala na pareho naming tinalikuran ang mga pamana ng aming mga ama na pagkawalang bahala at paghahamak sa kapwa.

Cris, siguro nga hindi tayo tinadhanang magkasama ng landas, pero magkakabangga pa tayo muli. Madaming beses pa. Magkaibang panig, ngunit pareho pa rin ang layun. Sa ngayon, diyan ka na muna sa parte mo ng mundo, dito naman ako sa parte ko. Baguhin natin ang mundo.

No Pain, No Pain

2009-03-28T05:45:00.000+08:00

I just came to a conclusion. The music of today sucks. Big time.

Anyway, I've just realized something. I don't enjoy pain. At least, not anymore. Realizing something like that is a really amazing feat for me. Swear.

Okay everyone, you can all sit down after cheering like crazy.

Anyway, I'm not saying I've come to fear it, nor have I become immune. It's just that I can't find anything worth hurting over anymore. If I were to suffer, if I were to feel pain, I'm okay with it AS LONG AS IT'S WORTH IT.

And Economics 100.2 is SO not worth it. Which is why I'm really pissed at my slipping the night before the exam and nearly hitting my head on the wall. Again.

Bitter ako, damn it! By the way Economics 100.2, if you haven't realized it yet, I HATE YOU.

Go burn.

Useless - Imogen Heap

2009-03-25T04:27:00.000+08:00

Taking a break from all the ranting. Here's the lyrics to Imogen Heap's song, Useless.

I am a mirror, with no reflection
I am a razor, without my blade
I am the daylight, when the moon shines no
Who will want to make my sandcastle thats already made

I feel so useless, do you

Speak to an ear deaf to my voice
Look through your fear, still blind to my way
I reach to hold you, but i dont feel you there, do you
Even realise im here am i just wasting away?
No wasting away
Living, inside you play

My dying prayer, sealed in a scream
Unwelcome, and a concious dream
I am your whore, without a name
I climb to fall, to begin again, to begin again
I climb to fall, suffer, hatred, deceit and pain
Anger, regret, loving in vain

I am an arrow, with no direction
My life your tarot, my picture your fate
I'm your becoming, so ill always be nothing
If i ever break away from you that day forth, youll be living
My hate
Oh god help his fate
I'll watch you, watch you suffocate

The Important Things

2009-03-23T17:38:00.000+08:00

I'm feeling down. And as much as people might think this is again because of my failure of a first relationship, it's not.

Frankly, there are quite a number of things I find to be more important than my broken heart. None of which I could bear to talk about.

Clues? In order of most pressing grievance: Family, Academics, Self-esteem, Money.

Yep, it's all there.

And I'm really in no mood to listen to advice right now, or to have anyone look at me with pity or say they feel sorry for me. I just want to lean on somebody. I don't even want to cry.

Right now, I'm venting my anger in so many ways. I've swam for nearly three hours, jogged one round at our Grandstand and went back and forth our house four times, and scolded my little cousin so many times in one day. My patience is about to snap and I'm not getting any work done. To top it all off, I'm sleepless yet again.

At least, I'm eating. In fact, I think I've eaten so many of those cheap bakery donuts that I've gotten closer to having diabetes.

I know what I'm doing is probably bordering on self-destructiveness, if I had no driver or siblings or yaya around me to keep it in check. But I can't help it. I'm so frustrated that I can't do anything to help this certain person who's close to my heart. I'm so afraid that he's going to have a relapse. I don't want to see him suffer again. I've taken so much damage for my short 18 years, I don't want to see him go through it too. I want to take upon me whatever suffering he's gone through and may go through again someday, but I can't. I feel so helpless.

This is not how I usually do things. I am not weak. I am willful, I am determined, I can do nearly everything I want if I just set my heart to it. But right now, I'm incapacitated. No matter how much I want something, I can't do it. If only I could, but I can't. All I could do right now is pray and hope that he will be okay.

For that special person, who for the last 8 years has given me a purpose, I love you.

If I could take upon me all your sorrows and pain, I would.
If I could keep from you all the dangers of the world, I would.
If I could keep you safe and make you smile, I would.
If I could be your all, If I could give you all, I would.

Damned

2009-03-22T14:05:00.000+08:00

"Your devious ways, you do the work of the dark forces in this world
And you're real, oh yes you are."

There's no other word to describe my current state. I'm damned. Damned, damned, damned, damned, damned. I totally blanked out on our last accounting long exam so now I'm damned.

Add to that the fact that my laptop is once again broken, my room is a mess, my wallet is empty, and i feel like a dumb wall. Yes, I know that makes no sense. At least I haven't gone to the far end of sanity yet. Just yet.

Damn, damn, damn, damn. Damn talaga!!!

Dear Multiply

2009-03-14T19:03:00.000+08:00

Dear Multiply,

Why are you so weird? You won't even keep all of my blog posts. And you give me a really, really difficult time uploading pictures. Why do you hate me so?

This is the pits. I should be reading up on cash flows... right. now.

er...

2009-03-14T02:51:00.000+08:00

OMG OMG OMG.

really really nervous.

interview in about three hours...

details ommitted due to security concerns. still afraid of stalkers.

but jpian barkada know about this.

OMG OMG OMG.

HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLLPPPPPPPPPPP!

Someday...

2009-03-13T19:05:00.000+08:00

I've been told that I have so much love to give. So much so that I'm never satisfied until I've given as much as I can.

What a joke.

Love is something to be given but there should also be someone to whom it can be given. I for one, have no one

I, however, have

a father whom I rarely see
a mother and a pseudo-mother, neither of whom has accepted me yet for who I am NOW (not in the past or in the future, but now)
siblings who take me for granted
a family pet that takes notice of me only because she enjoys hanging out in my room
good, old friends with whom I've nearly lost all contact, and
good, new friends on a lease, none of whom I will be able to keep forever.

Once, I thought I've found that one passion I could give my all to. That one person to whom I could give all my unappropriated love. I guess that's what you could call a bad investment.

Is my love really a curse? Is it really too much to handle? I'm so tired of being left alone and always having to let go. I'm tired of holding others at arms length. I want to open up my heart to anyone who wants to come in, but I'm afraid of hurting anymore. I've gone on hurting for much too long. Much. Too. Long. I don't think I'll be able to take it if I lose another important person in my life. I'd rather be the one leaving everyone else behind.

One friend of mine has predicted that I will have two great loves in my life. I think I've already had, and lost, that first one. If that is any indication of how miserable my second great love is going to end up, I don't think I'd want to experience it anymore.

When I learn to love agin, I'd rather do it without that person ever knowing. I'll wish for all the best for him, I'll hope for his happiness and safety, and I'll take care of him as much as a person of my status and disposition at that time can. But I won't let him know I love him. I won't be anyone's burden anymore. I will love, I will live, and I will love at a distance.

Someday, I will learn to love once more. But right now I can't trust my heart. Someday, I will fade away. I will fade away, with no feeling of loss, and nobody feeling any loss.

Someday, I will fade away, with no regrets, if only I won't be alone.

Of Blogs and Lies

2009-03-12T19:10:00.000+08:00

Since I've gained a mind of my own, I've stopped believing in blogging every little thing that happens to me. I've stopped dwelling on too many emotions, or zoning into any specific events.

A blog is like a window into the blogger's soul. His heart, his mind, is opened up to the entire world depending on how much information he decides to divulge. If that person says one thing too much and the entry is read by someone whose intent is to do harm, then the blogger has given that antagonist the most powerful weapon: the blogger himself.

I, for one, do not like being put on a pedestal. I do not enjoy the limelight, and the shadows is enough comfort for me. Even in high school productions, though my acting skills are competent, I'm much more comfortable working behind the scenes, despite being in charge of mostly everything with only two to three other people to work with. The only time I put myself in the spot light are voice and theater workshop recitals, and that was only to please my folks who paid so much for my moment on stage.

I do not wish to wear my heart on my shoulders, and though I am quite relieved that there are people now who can tell what my most basic emotion is at some moment in time, it also scares me. I do not know these people. At least, not as much as I'd like to. That scares me.

Secrets, emotions, feelings. All these things are the most basic weapons traitors use to dismantle their enemies. With each passing day, these are the weapons I give out to the world. But I cannot live any other way. I feel like an even bigger person than the (big) person I already am right now. Like there's always a new idea, or a strong emotion that's trying to burst out of me. So uncontrollable, that it often leaves me at a daze.

I can't trust my emotions right now. Whatever I think, whatever I feel, if it's not definite, then I must not take it for such. Happy is happy, sad is sad, the middle is nothing. Stop thinking too much of things, stop hoping and wishing, stop caring. Just stop.

So when I say I'm okay, sometimes I am. Sometimes, I lie. Sometimes, I really can't tell. No matter what, I will say I'm okay, and I'll continue to aspire to reach that level of okay-ness that society finds acceptable.

Then again, I may be lying.

Exhausted

2009-03-10T18:26:00.000+08:00

I am tired.

I am tired of being sad, of holding back the tears, of trying to explain.

He did not want me, so I let him go.

To that friend who keeps singing sad love songs for me: stop.

To that friend who will hopefully pass on a message for me: thank you.

To that friend who knows what song exactly it was that i sang right after, and was patient enough to hear me sing it over and over and over: thank you.

To the friends who were patient enough not to force me to talk about it: thank you.

To the friends who spent last tuesday with me until evening fell, despite things they had to deal with themselves: thanks.

To the friends I jam with everyday until my fingers are numb and my throat is hoarse: thanks. jam uli tayo (but not tomorrow).

Everyone: Please. I am doing my best to move on. Probably not in the way you'd want it, but I am doing it. Please just wait a bit more.

To you: Please respect my need for a bit more time. I'm not over it yet. I want to be your friend, but not yet. I need time to heal. I need time before I can face you again without actually making a total fool of myself. I see now how little respect you have of me. But please, please. At least give me this. I will talk to you, but not when you force me to. I will talk with you, in person, when I am ready. In my own time.

Pre's Top 3 Pitfalls of Common Courtesy

2009-03-10T18:03:00.000+08:00

There are just some things that I fail to understand why we, as supposedly logical beings, keep on doing. thus...

Precious' Top 3 Pitfalls of Common Courtesy

Disclaimer: This entry will be in Taglish so as to simulate actual day-to-day conversations.

1. Injured girl is running late for her next class. Takes time to go up the stairs, to walk, and is basically mobility-impaired since she's injured. duh.

Friend 1: Oh, ano nangyari sayo?

Girl takes at least 30 seconds to explain.

Friend 1: Ah. So hanggang kailan ka ganyan?

Girl takes at least 15 seconds to explain.

Friend 1: Ah ok. Sige, ingat ka ha.

Kiss kiss, hug hug, beso beso takes at least 5 seconds. Girl passes Friend 1 and meets Friend 2.

Friend 2: Oh, ano nangyari sayo?

Girl takes at least 30 seconds to explain.

Friend 2: Ah. So hanggang kailan ka ganyan?

Girl takes at least 15 seconds to explain.

Friend 2: Ah ok. Sige, ingat ka ha.

Now, imagine if the hall was filled with at least 5 friends of Girl. That would be nearly five minutes of conversation, notwithstanding the minimum 10 minutes to walk up the two flights of stairs (since she's injured. duh again). Girl would only be in time for attendance, but our time computation hasn't yet included the time it would take Girl to pass from friend to friend and from (for this example) friend number 5 to the classroom.

2. Imagine something similar to the previous dialogue in a situation where you really, really, REALLY need to pee in the middle of a very stressful, time-consuming exam.

Friend 1: Girl, musta na!

Girl takes at least 30 seconds to accomodate Friend 1's innocent, caring inquiry.

Friend 1: Ah. May class ka pa?

Girl takes at least 15 seconds to explain "Yup, exam sa ________. Magsi-CR lang ako."

Friend 1: Ah ok. Sige, good luck!

Kiss kiss, hug hug, beso beso takes at least 5 seconds. Girl passes Friend 1 and meets Friend 2.

Friend 2: Girl, musta na!

Girl takes at least 30 seconds to accomodate Friend 2's innocent, caring inquiry.

Friend 2: Ah. May class ka pa?

Girl takes at least 15 seconds to explain "Yup, exam sa ________. Magsi-CR lang ako."

Friend 2: Ah ok. Sige, good luck!

Such conversation uses up at least one minute, depending on whoever Girl may be talking to. Now imagine if there were 3 friends on the way to the washroom, and 3 friends on the way back. Also take into consideration the travel time which we will right now set at 5 minutes back and forth from the washroom (since it would be fairly safe to deduce that if the washroom was too far away, a student would not dare to go there in the midst of the examination), as well as the minimum time a girl takes in using the lavatory, which is around 3 minutes. That will cause Girl to lose at least 14 minutes of her essential exam-taking time, which we all know is like having your toes pulled out.

3. Now, imagine an injured girl who has too pee really, really, REEEAAAAALLLLLYYYYY badly in the middle of a very stressful exam. Need I say more?

UP Survey [taken from ate lyrpa]

2009-03-06T02:57:00.000+08:00

[ ] Worried about getting bullied by fratmen or getting killed in a riot.

[ ] Got bullied by fratmen or was killed in a riot

[X] Witnessed a riot.

[ ] Watched the Oblation Run.

[ ] Made friends with a teacher.

[ ] Was tricked as a freshman into attending a rally / prayer meeting

[ ] Wore red or black on one of those wear red or wear black days.

[ ] Wore red on Valentine’s Day.

[x] Wore black on Valentine's Day.

[ ] Celebrated a birthday at Mang Jimmy's

[x] Learned UP Naming Mahal

[x] Was an RA (registration assistant) or SA. rvc <3

[ ] Lied or begged to an RA for a slot in class.

[ ] Participated in a there's-only-one-more-slot-are you-feeling-lucky?

[x] Jogged around the campus but didn't lose weight.

[x] Visited the Vargas Museum

[x] Knew at least one xerox lady, manong, or technician by name.

[x] Attended university level graduation.

[x] Got an activist for a teacher.

[ ] Watched a La Salle vs. Ateneo UAAP game haven't even watched any UP games.

[ ] Watched a UP vs. any school basketball game. And watched them lose too

[x] Studied in CASAA and slept there too!

[x] Studied in McDonald's or Jollibee Philcoa for one full night. pati madaling araw.

[x] Studied along Katipunan.

[ ] Studied along Katipunan and got affected by the mannerisms of a stereotypical Atenean.

[X] Watched a play that's not required for Comm II watched lots of plays but never took anything "Comm"

[x] Went stargazing. officially, in high school. but.. i gaze at the stars at night in UP. ganun na din yun. nyahaha.

[x] Ate in Chocolate Kiss, Tea Room (in CHE) or Chateau Verde. and my wallet wailed everytime.

[x] Slept in the library. slept everywhere.

[ ] Struck up a conversation with a taong grasa.

[ ] Wrote to/for the Collegian.

[x] Seriously pondered about the identity/ies of the people described in Eksenang Peyups.

[x] Went to the chapel.

[x] Got a pebble stuck in your shoe/slippers while walking in Sunken Garden. sus. big deal ba yun?

[ ] Cut class with your block to watch a movie. cut class a lot for many things, but never with blockmates.

[ ] Had a Voltes V for a teacher.

[ ] Took a class under Joseph Palis. who?

[ ] Lied to the transcript lady to get a transcript earlier than the standard 3 months.

[x] Went to a Freshman Orientation activity. oh, duh.

[x] Subsisted on just streetfood (fishballs, half footlongs, kwekwek, squidballs/rolls, mais, dirty ice cream) for a day. life on a budget. nyahaha.

[ ] Learned how to smoke. haha. no way.

[x] Went on an out-of-town trip with blockmates or orgmates at least 3 times, me thinks.

[x] Fell in love was already in love. and now out of it. hay.

[x] Actually read the book you borrowed from the lib duh.

[x] Played cards during your free time. but never learned anything that required actual brain power.

[x] Dressed in business attire. may choooooooiiiiiiiiicccccccceeeeeee?

[ ] Sumabit sa jeep.

[ ] Got sung to or sung to someone in class during Valentine's day. just... sung.

[x] Watched the Lantern Parade every year, with my high school friends.

[x] Helped out a total stranger.

[ ] Helped out a total stranger because he/she was hot.

[x] Learned to stay awake for more than 24 or 48 hours straight. ohohohooooh yes.

[ ] Got bullied by fratmen and feeling cool wannabe people who were actually losers.

[x] Took Wednesday and/or Sat classes. PE, ROTC.

[ ] Volunteered for the pahinungod.

[x] Ate "tasteless white sauce" pasta from cock-a-noodle ate "tasteles white sauce" pasta, but i dunno where cock-a-noodle is.

[x] Got a boyfriend/girlfriend and lost him. hating this survey.

[x] Took time to read the vandalism in the CR and once actually responded

[x] Watched a sexy art film for any GE class.

[ ] Got held up or pick-pocketed from UP to NBS katipunan.

[x] Felt depressed because you were not as good academically as you were in high school oh, i was never good academically. it's just depressing.

[x] Did a last minute paper. lagi naman ehhh.

[x] Had spent a lot for 1x1 ID pictures bought the ones that filled up a whole page

[x] Got exempted from final exams.

[ ] Got exempted from a final exam but still took it noooooo way.

[x] Attended a varsity pep rally

[ ] Watched LIVE AIDS, Androgyny, Maskipaps or any well-known variety show.

[ ] Promised to quit smoking. never smoked.

[x] Got into at least one (org- or council-sponsored) adventure race. ROTC days.

[x] Knew where the best restrooms are on campus

[x] Joined an org. at present, UP JPIA, RVC-CBA, Guilder Institute.

[x] Allowed yourself to make mistakes never llowed, but still happens

[ ] Went to the gym in spite of having no PE class just to ogle varsity players/cute boys/hot girls ang landeeeh?

[x] Took summer classes. before first year, and now before third. :D

[x] Admired the Oblation and wished i could take a picture, if not for the curse

[x] Made a video for a project for projects, for reports, for org... hay go video.

[ ] Had a crush on a teacher.

[ ] Had a teacher who had a crush on/tried to court you

[x] Attended your ROTC Bivouac. used to be part of corps. hahaha.

[x] Faked sickness to get an absence excused. but usually gets sick. ah, karma..

[ ] Got your car scratched by one of those "Kuya bantayan ko kotse niyo" kids

[ ] Took a PE class where you had to pay for tuition (i.e. sportsclimbing, ten pin bowling, scuba diving, etc).

[x] Went to school in your crappiest yet most comfy clothes. walang pakelamanan!

[x] Learned how to use the Bayantel pay phones um, di kasi ako tanga. 0_o

[x] Participated in school activities.

[ ] Caught the UP Pep Tryouts.

[x] Dated someone from UP thing of the past.

[x] Rode an IKOT and TOKI di naman ako superman.

[x] Found a tambayan.

[ ] Went drinking at Sarah's. san yan?

[ ] Learned how to beg for a higher grade.

[x] Used your 6 allowable absences wisely. er.. used it. a lot.

[ ] Lived in a dorm.

[ ] Volunteered to be beadle or go-to guy for your group / class.

[x] Had the worst schedule.

[ ] Realized that there really is just one coconut tree on the sunken garden. mahanap nga..

[ ] Not used up all 6 allowable absences

[ ] Ate in ISSI, Treehouse, Mama Thai's and other more obscure cafeterias. hahantingin ko yang mama thai's na yan.

[ ] Ate food Aristocart-style eehhhhh? ano yun?

[x] Was active in your org. whooooooooh!

[x] Attended an ACLE. nung FP lang. always found some way to get out of going. haha.

[ ] Got as many app forms as you can during the job fair

[ ] Learned how to cram. was already an expert.

[ ] Sold tickets for (or watch) an org-sponsored movie premiere.

[x] Saved money to photocopy all of your seatmate's notes. photocopied. and burned a hole in my wallet.

[x] Had accidentally seen a make-out session. get a room, dammit.

[x] Slept in class tinatanong pa ba yan?

[x] Finished a homework/assignment/paper in the Shopping center or Philcoa

[x] Had mountains of "unused" sample exams and/or old testaments

[x] Resolved to be "better this semester". resolved.

[x] Slept during a test. and my neck hurt afterwards,

[x] Had groupmates from hell

[x] Learned how to work with groupmates from hell

[ ] Perfected the art of parking on campus.

[x] Had a bad encounter with one of the guards on campus. the super mean ones

[x] Developed a love for sisig. sisig is love. <3

[x] Practiced those UP cheers in the first meeting for PE class. was required to practice,but not for the first meeting

[ ] Looked at microfilms in the library or poked through archives.

[x] Reserved a classroom, AVR, etc. for a class or org function.

[x] Attended the UP Fair. but still haven't tried going through the ordinary entrance

[x] Went to a library other than your own college's to research cal, educ, mainlib, econ.

[ ] Lost a perfectly functioning umbrella. always left it at home.

[x] Used consultation hours properly

[x] Went to the Guidance Office for real, heart-to-heart guidance. to take a test that i needed for guidance.

[x] Went to the infirmary and was given Vicodin for an asthma attack. 0_o

[ ] Attended class with a hangover.

[x] Drink beer or alcohol while inside UP grounds.

[x] Walked all the way to Philcoa or Katipunan from UP in the middle of the night.

[ ] Buy frogs from NSRI or a Bio department

[x] Maxed out on the 6 allowed unexcused absences but DID NOT drop i haven't counted...

[x] Got invited or pursued by a sorority or fraternity. nainvite lang sa ilan.

[x] Wore slippers to school. oo namaaaaan.

[ ] Had a professor who smoked in class

[ ] Got diagnosed by the Infirmary as pregnant or infected with STD

New Song. Yey!

2009-02-27T15:53:00.000+08:00

Sad days actually inspire. No wonder there's so many good, undiscovered, miserable songs out there. The world's really the pits. Nyahaha.

Still ironing out some of the tunes.

Goodbye, Goodbye, Goodbye

by Precious G.

Intro: D-Esus4-Em-G

D-Esus4-Em-G

I used to call you in the middle of the night

Just to tell you that you're on my mind

I used to know you (but I know) but that's all in the past

D-Esus4-Em-G

Do you remember all the things we've said (all the time we've spent)

(Now) I know better but it's just too late

(And) I never want to feel this way again

Am-F#m-A-G#m7

Oh, who would have thought something beautiful could end

Oh (No), I never want to go this way again

Goodbye, don't call me

Esus4 E

Goodbye, I don't wanna dream

G C

Goodbye, I can't bear to hear your name

Goodbye, don't remind me

Esus4 Em

Goodbye, I don't want to remember

G D-Esus4-Em-G

Goodbye, Goodbye, Goodbye

then, intro chords with different strumming and the song repeats itself.

Leave Me Alone

2009-02-05T19:42:00.000+08:00

These battle scars are proof of my pain. Maybe, just maybe, if I could materialize how much it hurts, the pain would cease. It doesn't matter what's the reason, I don't want to bear my heart out to the world. I just want to breathe again without my chest getting tighter and tighter. Still, all this time, I know the one thing I want, but I can never have it. I had it once, but you cannot insist a square to fit into a circle. One has to change its shape, but that's not the way for people. Right now, if I just had a choice, I'd throw my heart out and feed it to the kids begging on the streets. Hearts are for humans, and humans are social beings. Right now, I just want to be anywhere but here.

Quote for the day.

"I don't know what's sadder. This, or the truth that I actually feel freer and more relieved that it's now over between us."

Not everyone may understand what I'm saying, but the few who do, I hope you get what I'm trying to say. Please don't force me to come out. I don't want to be anywhere but in my own jail cell. I caused this to happen, I dealt the final blow to what marked the most meaningful times in my life. The worst thing about this is that though all this time he insisted I was not a burden, at the end I proved that once again I was right.

Delusion was never good thing, but maybe if I had deluded myself a bit more he would have turned around. But I can't take anymore, so I gave him the reason he needed. My life as I know it is officially over. Please give me time to figure out if I still want to proceed.

The Worst Thing

2009-02-02T17:51:00.000+08:00

They say it's better to have loved and lost than not to have loved at all. But the worst thing in life is not having loved, but being made to believe that you're actually capable of being loved, when the truth is that you are not capable of being loved by an person or creature, regardless of your affinity and sphere of living, for any extended period of time. To be made to think you were ever worth something, when you truly never were. Not now, not ever, not at all. That is the most painful thing at all.

Not to have loved and lost, but to realize that there was nothing for you to lose in the first place.

WANTED: Creative, Artistic, Promising Fashion Designers

2009-01-20T19:13:00.000+08:00

From February 2-6, 2009, UP JPIA will be staging ARTBurst: Express Yourself. A week-long event promoting artistic self-expression. For our culminating night, part of our line-up of activities willl be a fashion show featuring the works of creative, artistic, upcoming, promising fashion designers (yes, you!)

Designs have no limits, aside from having to abide by our theme. Namely? Artistic Expression! The more outrageous outfits you could think of, the better!

Interested? Send me a private message or call/text 09178160783.

** all we are asking for is for you to lend us your wears. no cash. :) in exchange, we'll be helping you promote your brand/outfits.

Calling All Amateur Shirt Designers! Wear Your Art!

2009-01-20T19:07:00.000+08:00

UP Junior Philippine Institute of Accountants,

Kite Association of the Philippines,

and WeeWillDoodle

present

ArTEEstic Espressions: Wear Your Art

Shirt Design Competition

ArTEEstic Expressions: Wear Your Art

CONTEST GUIDELINES:

1. The competition is open to all amateur designers aged 16 and above.

2. Interested parties must send in soft and hard copies of their tentative designs complying with the theme feelings on or before January 26, 2009. All entries must be dropped off at the UP JPIA tambayan located at the fourth floor of the College of Business Administration , UP Diliman. Contestants may also arrange to meet with any member of the organizing team whose contact number is specified in the contest posters and other such publicity materials.

Soft copy of the design must be in JPEG format and recorded in a CD. Hard copy of the same must be printed or drawn on a letter size bond paper.

3. There shall be a registration fee of Php 200, which is inclusive of one (1) plain white shirt on which design/s must be ultimately placed. Shirts may be claimed upon submission of design copies and payment of contest fee. Interested parties may send in a maximum of three (3) entries, for which an additional fee of Php 100 must be paid each.

4. All sorts of materials may be used to implement the design at the artist’s option. Designs may also be placed in either or both sides of the shirt.

5. Designed shirts must be dropped at the UP JPIA tambayan on or before February 2, 2009, placed in a sealed brown envelope bearing the entry title, full name and contact information (mobile and/or landline numbers, email address) of contestant.

6. Criteria for judging:

Creativity 40%

Originality 25%

Overall Appeal 25%

Adherence to theme 10%

7. Prizes:

Winning Artist: Php 5000 worth of cash and gift packs

Runner-up: Php 3000 worth of cash and gift packs

All entries will be posted in the FP Gold multiply site [fpgold.multiply. com.] and will be displayed in the ARTburst shirt gallery at the AS lobby on Feb 5&6, 2009. It will also be modeled in the ARTburst Culminating Night on Feb 6, 2009, during which the winners will be announced.

For more inquiries, please contact Pia [0917.881.7106] , Mae [0906.335.9700] or Pre [0917.8160783] .

help needed: interview with an activist - yung online ngayon at pwede kong makausap

2009-01-13T20:12:00.000+08:00

classmates, college mates, university mates, distinguished alumni.

heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeellllllllllllllllllllllllllpppppppppp!

i need an interview with an activist RIGHT NOW [or at least bago mag-9am]. para po siya sa isang GE course. basically ie-email ko lang naman ang list of questions and hihintayin ang reply before 9am. kahit one liner answers lang pwedeng pwede na.

don't get me wrong, di po ako nagccram [masyado]. absent ako last week anoong pasahan ng mga interview namin kasi nagrrecover ako mula sa pagkakaconfine sa hospital. ine-mail ko naman sa prof ko yung nagawa kong interview pero di niya tinanggap kasi hindi ko naibigay in person. pinapagawa niya ako ng bagong interview, this time sa isang tibak. and he wants it today.

so pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease. if you are an activist or you know anyone who is, please PM me (precious127)! kelangang kelangan ko ang tulong niyo. :((

Bane

2008-10-06T20:32:00.000+08:00

All a girl ever really wants is to see a guy exert that extra effort, go that extra mile. Maybe that's why some girls have simple dreams for their romantic lives. Because just a glimpse of that extra effort is already more than enough.

I'm not saying that men don't contribute enough to their relationships. Everyone knows they give so much already. It's just that maybe, just maybe, aside from what they already give, they don't give that occasional, extra something that would leave the girl smiling for days.

A smile, a note, a little piece of chocolate, or some flower picked up on the street. A little extra something out of routine, nondescript, a shared secret.

Once again, these words lead to only one conclusion.

Women are really the bane of men.

New Song!!! NOTHING

2008-09-07T18:50:00.000+08:00

Today is, supposedly, study day. But I got sick, and I got a new Jem track, and my sisters got me to watch Camp Rock. So now, I'm trying to study, but I got a few words stuck in my head. Sayang naman if I don't use it. So here it is, another original song. I've got the lyrics nailed and a basic tune, but once again, no accompaniment whatsoever. Jeez, I so need to improve on using instruments. Music writing sucks when it's just in a capella... especially when your nose is shock-full of snot and what-have-yous and your voice is coming out all crazy. Adiway, here id is. Adyone cawes to put some music into it? :p [p.s. will anyone please be honest enough to tell me if it sucks??? please, please, PLEASE do..]

Nothing
Precious Rochelle O. Gan
An Original Work

These are my words
This is my song
The longer you listen
The more you'll know
I am nothing
I am no one
I am fine
I am fine

Looking in the mirror
I see my face
I'm invisible
I am nothing
Walking in a dazed crowd
No one even bothers if I'm alive
If I'm alive

These are my words
This is my song
The longer you listen
The more you'll know
I am nothing
I am no one
But I'm fine
Yes I'm fine

How do you define ordinary?
What is normal?
What is not?
Living with my own mistakes
Never giving any mind to what is there
I don't really care

These are my words
This is my song
The longer you listen
The more you'll know
I am nothing
I am no one
I am fine
Mighty fine

From this second onward
Quit
Listening to what others have to say
What have you got to say?
No one really matters
Stand up from the shadows and take your place
No more time to waste

These are our words
This is our song
The longer you listen
The more you'll know

These are our words
This is our song
The longer you listen
The more you'll know
We are nothing
We are no one
We are fine

p.s. I've included a copy of the raw lyrics. wahahahaha. ok, i gotta start studying economics again.

Overdosed

2008-09-07T10:25:00.000+08:00

It's official, I have the flu.

Gaaahhh. What's wrong with me? It's as if my days are getting worse each day. I can't focus, my response time is getting slower, and I'm sick.

Well, maybe that explains it.

Non-organic therapy to the rescue! I'm currently overdosing on vitamin C and ascorbic acid. Not to worry, our medicine drawer is full of antacids.

Gaaaaahhh. I hate being sick.

The Pensieve: Preparing For Hell. :D

2008-08-25T18:32:00.000+08:00

A very appropriate title, since our hellweek will officially commence in two days. In the midst of my preparations, many thoughts surface in my mind, and to be quite honest, it's a bit more than I can handle right now. This situation I mainly attribute to the recent conclusion of yet another bloody examination period (otherwise known as the weekly torture caused by Econ 100.1 and BA 99.1,which suppressed all my thoughts), and thus they are all just rushing in. That being said, I've chosen to enumerate as many thoughts as I possibly can.

1. Why do foreign shows dubbed to the Filipino language seem to lose their original quality? I mean, it's more or less the same dialogue, and the same story line, so why the degradation of the show in whole? Not only that, but why isn't there anything original on local television right now? I'd hate to think that this is all that our artists could come up with. Then again, this sabbatical from quality television can just be in response to the demand of the masses which once again makes me reevaluate my standards and realize that they are probably too high.

2. Why does Chinese Star Movies have to be in pay-per-view, while the other Star channels are already part of the package? I really find it unfair, especially since it seems too much of an expense for us to pay an additional monthly fee for that ONE additional channel because our television's usually tuned in to the cartoon channels anyway. But still, I want my Asian movies fix!

3. How come the longer a guy is into a relationship, the more he takes on feminine traits? It's not that I'm actually complaining, but it's just a bit puzzling. As for this matter, I feel it more than I think about it, so there isn't really much I could say or do but sigh and miss that one person who's making me think thoughts that I myself do not understand.

4. Who is the tambay princess? I've checked the list of unique characters and there is still no Precious Tandoc, just me and Presh, and the only person with the last name of Tandoc is Darryl. Now, unless one of us got married to him [which both Presh and I vehemently deny], the only possibilty is that it's one of us, or that our tambay hours got combined [as well sa our lst names: Gan + Platon = Ganton or Plagan ], which would make it no wonder that whoever that Precious Tandoc is became the tambay princess.

5. Why do people want things? Why do we aspire to achieve our dreams? Why do we dream at all? What purpose do our dreams wish to achieve, aside from giving us purpose, and if a person doesn't dream at all, then what will happen? Will time stand still? Will he just die? Is there actually anyone who doesn't have dreams at all, consciously or otherwise?

6. What does life have in store for me before I turn 18? In the coming months, will I lose weight, will I grow taller? Will I have greater confidence in myself, or perhaps a greater sense of responsibility? How will my personality, and who I am change? Will I change at all, or will I just stagnate and be the same when I am 18, or 28, or 68 as I am now? I have no fears of growing old, I look forward to the challenge, to its perks and its rheumatisms. But what if I grow old but not change at all? What will happen if I stay in 2008 while the rest of the world moves on?

7. And of course, my all-time favorite: Paano naglalakad ang sirena?

Ten Conyomandments (stolen from Selah)

2008-08-24T17:04:00.000+08:00

Ten Conyomandments

by Gerry Avelino and Arik Abu
(taken from The La Sallian-Menagerie)

Conyo here, conyo there, conyo everywhere! Here at La Salle, conyospeak has become an unofficial language as a good chunk of the student body knows, or maybe even mastered the socialite tongue. However, one must never forget the basics of the conyo and we thusly bring you:

The Ten Conyomandments.

1. Thou shall make gamit "make+pandiwa".
ex. "Let's make pasok na to our class!"
"Wait lang! I'm making kain pa!"
"Come on na, we can't make hintay anymore! It's in Andrew pa, you know?"

2. Thou shall make kalat "noh", "diba" and "eh" in your pangungusap.
ex. "I don't like to make lakad in the baha nga, no? Eh diba it's like, so eew, diba?"
"What ba: stop nga being maarte noh?"
"Eh as if you want naman also, diba?"

3. When making describe a whatever, always say "It's SO pang-uri!"
ex. "It's so malaki, you know, and so mainit!"
"I know right? So sarap nga, eh!"
"You're making me inggit naman.. I'll make bili nga my own burger."

4. When you are lalaki, make parang punctuation "dude", 'tsong" or "pare"
ex. "Dude, ENGANAL is so hirap, pare."
"I know, tsong, I got bagsak nga in quiz one, eh"

5. Thou shall know you know? I know right!
ex. "My bag is so bigat today, you know"
"I know, right! We have to make dala pa kasi the jumbo Physics book eh!"

6. Make gawa the plural of pangngalans like in English or Spanish.
ex. "I have so many tigyawats, oh!"

7. Like, when you can make kaya, always use like. Like, I know right?
ex. "Like, it's so init naman!"
"Yah! The aircon, it's, like sira!"

8. Make yourself feel so galing by translating the last word of your sentence, you know, your pangungusap?
ex. "Kakainis naman in the LRT! How plenty tao, you know, people?"
"It's so tight nga there, eh, you know, masikip?"

9. Make gamit of plenty abbreviations, you know, daglat?"
ex. "Like, OMG! It's like traffic sa LRT"
"I know right? It's so kaka!"
"Kaka?"
"Kakaasar!"

10. Make gamit the pinakamaarte voice and pronunciation you have para full effect!
ex. "I'm, like, making aral at the Arrhneo!"
"Me naman, I'm from Lazzahl!"

Stealing Surveys (thanks agnes may. :p)

2008-08-23T13:05:00.000+08:00

1) Put your music player on shuffle
2) Press forward for each question.
3) Use the song title as the answer to the question.

1. How am I feeling today? What Ya Waiting For? iha, sinabi ko nang mag-aral ka na. me exam ka pa bukas!!!

2. How will I feel getting married? These Days what?!?!

3. What is my best friend's theme song? Umbrella (Remix) ok....

4. Highschool is? Girlfriend hahaha, song ng haters to ah. so highschool is hateful?!

5. I am... I'd Do Anything ano ako, martyr?!

6. How is today? Broken onga, nag-aaral kasi ako ng BA.

7. What is in store for this week? Bare Naked uh-oh. hell week pa naman..

8. What song best describes my parents? Always There In You oh yeah, i got their genes.

9. How is my life going? Hallelujah wa-ha-hat?! ah... "somehow, everythings gonna fall into place..." SOMEHOW.

10. What song will they play at my funeral? Fuck Me Pumps siguro mag-hhunt ako sa funeral ko tas ako kakanta.

11. Is this going to be a good year? Impossible what the?! well, maganda naman yung message ng song..

12. What's your love life like? The Voice Within "young girl, don't cry, i'll be right here when your tears start to fall" haha.. kilig.

13. What's your favorite? I Tried i don't get it.

14. Best bored activity? Samson "samson went back to bed" aka matulog

15. Favorite quote? I'm With You aw...

16. Song played in your wedding? Me & You ayos, dapat may back-up dancers sa processional!

17. What is your boyfriend/girlfriend's theme song? Camisado parang kanta ng taong walang tulog... perfect!

18. The song that best described your childhood days... I Miss You 'nuf said. :))

19. The song that keeps playing into your mind... Flavor Of The Week "he's too stoned, nintendo." :))

20. The song that will make me happy. They napaka-celtic like, well, if it'll freak people out i'll definitely be happy.

PRE-ENLISTMENT SCHEDULE FOR THE SECOND SEMESTER 2008-2009

2008-08-23T07:01:00.000+08:00

Be informed.

Pre-Enlistment Schedule	Batch Run
September 29 – October 10, 2008 (First Round)	October 11, 2008
October 12 – October 17, 2008 (Second Round)	October 18, 2008
October 19 – October 28, 2008 (Third Round)	October 29, 2008

p.s. guys, kelan tayo next lalabas? august is almost over. 0__o

LR at 5!

2008-08-20T17:02:00.001+08:00

Dear Chloe, Ellis, Eya, Gine, Jigz, Melai, Sassa, sama na rin natin si Froilan and sige, pati na rin si Raymark.

Happy anniversary, guys! Even though we hardly see each other these days, [Melai, for example, kanina ko lang ulit nakita, and the non-UPD people I've hardly seen for ages.] I know that our friendship will always be kept in the safest place in each other's hearts.

I miss you all, and I'm looking forward to whenever our next reunion will be!

Thank you for being such an important part of my life. I love y'all! :D

una vez un Laudrichite, para un Laudrichite.

Excited Na Ko!

2008-08-18T11:08:00.001+08:00

Malapit na ang Hell Week!! Wahaha, excited na ko. Yun nga lang, di ko alam kung panu ko didiskartehan ang mga themes na to. :p

Shout out to my friends: Guys! Picture picture time na to! Don't miss the opportunity na makita akong nakacostume, minsan lang to! :D

!!! DISCLAIMER !!!

2008-08-16T20:16:00.000+08:00

I've just realized that I have quite a number of my original works posted here. If, by any chance, anyone wants to repost or quote any of it, it's okay as long as
1. You ask for my permission first
2. You give credit where it is due. :)

Aking natanto na may marami-rami na ring orihinal kong gawa ang naka-lathala rito. Kung, sa kahit anong pagkakatao'y may magnais na ilathala uli o sipiin ang kahit ano rito, ayos lang basta't
1. Humingi ka muna sa akin ng permiso
2. Ilaan mo ang tamang pagkilala kung saan ito nararapat. :)

Of Friends, Music, and Lots of Words

2008-08-16T20:04:00.000+08:00

You say, I only here what I want to.

- Stay, Lisa Loeb

16 August 2008, 23.51

This day ends, for me, with a very pleasant thought. I am gaining friends. It may be too early yet to say that these friendships will be as meaningful as the ones I have, and am, experiencing from the Laudrichites or The Ten/Orange Circle/The Fraternity (once again, special mention to Selah for giving so many names to our female-dominated barkada), but maybe, just maybe, they will be.

I don't know. Maybe I shouldn't even be thinking about this. But just a few months ago (I am shocked at how time flies), I could barely pick out guests for my debut party (NOT ceremony). The plan was to have 50 guests rocking their heart out on the eve of my 18th birthday, and so far, I could barely think of 20 people whose presence WOULD NOT ruin that night for me, and with the departure of some of those friends to places beyond our timezone, that reduces my "circle" even more to a size i could easily count without using up all my fingers and toes.

No, I know it is impossible that by the time my birthday comes up, these new friends I've made will be able to achieve what those dearest to me have. I have too many walls and hoops that they will have to break down and jump through to get to the very core of what I am. Walls and hoops that only my friends and not my family have managed to somehow overcome. But maybe, just maybe, the imperfect mix of our various backgrounds and current (and hopefully, future) shared experiences would be enough to bind us together that in four months, these people will still be around to form my group of the 50 most special persons in my life. ê

Mga aral na natutunan sa pagiging isang UP JPIA APP[S] 50.

2008-08-15T20:03:00.000+08:00

Mga aral na natutunan sa pagiging isang UP JPIA APP[S] 50.

(AS OF 15 August 2008, 11:55 PM)

1. Mahalaga pala ang letter “G”. [kasi pag hindi ako nagpapakilalang Precious G., ako ay nagiging si Precious P.] NAPAKA-significant kasi ng initials sa buhay natin. Biruin mo yun, with just one letter, one will not just assume another person’s identity, tatangkad pa siya!

2. Huwag kang mangangako na magpprint ng pictures sa mga bata, lalo na pag wala kang pera. Huhuntingin ka nun sa panaginip mo. Yung tipong paggising mo maghahanap ka ng pera tapos beinte lang pala laman ng wallet mo.

3. As much as possible, huwag ka nang magclass ng lunch time! Gutom ka na, OP ka pa sa lahat ng lunch time activities.

4. Hindi lahat ng pagtambay counter-productive. Biruin mo, dahil sa tambay week makakabawi ka sa lahat ng GMs at CMs na kahit kelan hindi mo mapupuntahan sa first sem, maliban nalang kung magccut ka kasi parang cyborg ung prof mo ng TTh 11:30 am – 1:00 pm at hindi siya nag-aabsent.

5. Bumili ng camerang shock-proof, water-proof, at hindi nauubusan ng batteries, para marerecord ang bawat memorable moment ng memorable app process.

6. Picture-an ang bawat co-app [close-up at full-body] at lagyan ng pangalan para di puro ngiti ang ginagawa pag kausap mo sila at di mo maalala ang name o kung kelan kayo nagbonding.

7. Ang Tambay Week ay equivalent sa Linggo ng Ukay-ukay. Huhukayin mo kasi sa dresser mo ang lahat ng mga dati mong damit para lang makasabay sa color and theme of the day.

8. Masayang magbihis, lalo na kapag hindi mo laging ayos yun. Tuwing may magtataka sa itsura mo, may palusot ka. At sobrang masayang magnakaw ng medyas ng kapatid mong laging ninanakaw ang sapatos mo. Pero wag kang magpapaka-classy kung di mo mapanindigan kasi pagtatawanan ka ng classmates mo.

9. Makikuntsyaba bago mag-bid, para di ka biglang mapapa-@*!&^@$)@ pag na-realize mong ang taas pala ng na-bid mo at tatlong araw lang ang hellweek.

10. Enjoy-in ang bawat moment [minuto ba to sa Filipino?] pero wag bungisngis ng bungisngis kasi nakakangalay talaga. I-reserve ang bungisngis para sa photo-ops na hindi para sa camera mong laging mong nakakalimutang i-charge.

Reproductive health bill: Facts, fallacies

2008-08-03T17:43:00.000+08:00

Reproductive health bill: Facts, fallacies

By Rep. Edcel Lagman
Philippine Daily Inquirer

(http://opinion.inquirer.net/inquireropinion/talkofthetown/view/20080803-152296/Reproductive-health-bill-Facts-fallacies)

THE BILL IS NATIONAL IN SCOPE, COMPREHENSIVE, rights-based and provides adequate funding to the population program. It is a departure from the present setup in which the provision for reproductive health services is devolved to local government units, and consequently, subjected to the varying strategies of local government executives and suffers from a dearth of funding.

The reproductive health (RH) bill promotes information on and access to both natural and modern family planning methods, which are medically safe and legally permissible. It assures an enabling environment where women and couples have the freedom of informed choice on the mode of family planning they want to adopt based on their needs, personal convictions and religious beliefs.

The bill does not have any bias for or against either natural or modern family planning. Both modes are contraceptive methods. Their common purpose is to prevent unwanted pregnancies.

The bill will promote sustainable human development. The UN stated in 2002 that “family planning and reproductive health are essential to reducing poverty.” The Unicef also asserts that “family planning could bring more benefits to more people at less cost than any other single technology now available to the human race.”

Coverage of RH. (1) Information and access to natural and modern family planning (2) Maternal, infant and child health and nutrition (3) Promotion of breast feeding (4) Prevention of abortion and management of post-abortion complications (5) Adolescent and youth health (6) Prevention and management of reproductive tract infections, HIV/AIDS and STDs (7) Elimination of violence against women (8) Counseling on sexuality and sexual and reproductive health (9) Treatment of breast and reproductive tract cancers (10) Male involvement and participation in RH; (11) Prevention and treatment of infertility and (12) RH education for the youth.

1. Strengthening of Popcom. The existing Population Commission shall be reoriented to promote both natural and modern family planning methods. It shall serve as the central planning, coordinating, implementing and monitoring body for the comprehensive and integrated policy on reproductive health and population development.

2. Capability building of community-based volunteer workers. The workers shall undergo additional and updated training on the delivery of reproductive healthcare services and shall receive not less than 10-percent increase in honoraria upon successful completion of training.

3. Midwives for skilled birth attendance. Every city and municipality shall endeavor to employ an adequate number of midwives and other skilled attendants.

4. Emergency obstetrics care. Each province and city shall endeavor to ensure the establishment and operation of hospitals with adequate and qualified personnel that provide emergency obstetrics care.

5. Hospital-based family planning. Family planning methods requiring hospital services like ligation, vasectomy and IUD insertion shall be available in all national and local government hospitals.

6. Contraceptives as essential medicines. Reproductive health products shall be considered essential medicines and supplies and shall form part of the National Drug Formulary considering that family planning reduces the incidence of maternal and infant mortality.

7. Reproductive health education. RH education in an age-appropriate manner shall be taught by adequately trained teachers from Grade 5 to 4th year high school. As proposed in the bill, core subjects include responsible parenthood, natural and modern family planning, proscription and hazards of abortion, reproductive health and sexual rights, abstinence before marriage, and responsible sexuality.

8. Certificate of compliance. No marriage license shall be issued by the Local Civil Registrar unless the applicants present a Certificate of Compliance issued for free by the local Family Planning Office. The document should certify that they had duly received adequate instructions and information on family planning, responsible parenthood, breast feeding and infant nutrition.

9. Ideal family size. The State shall encourage two children as the ideal family size. This is neither mandatory nor compulsory and no punitive action may be imposed on couples having more than two children.

10. Employers’ responsibilities. Employers shall respect the reproductive health rights of all their workers. Women shall not be discriminated against in the matter of hiring, regularization of employment status or selection for retrenchment. Employers shall provide free reproductive health services and commodities to workers, whether unionized or unorganized.

11. Multimedia campaign. Popcom shall initiate and sustain an intensified nationwide multimedia campaign to raise the level of public awareness on the urgent need to protect and promote reproductive health and rights.#

Tags: family planning, reproductive health, philippines, current events

FINALLY

2008-07-26T07:17:00.000+08:00

finally, some improvement. although mas okay sana if it wasn't so obvious that these guys just want to look good...

Senators to GMA: Guide us in crisis
By Aurea Calica
Saturday, July 26, 2008

Senators are calling on President Arroyo to provide the necessary direction for Congress to address the food and fuel crises in the country.

The lawmakers, led by Senate President Manuel Villar Jr., said they would be ready to cooperate with the executive and help out through legislation.

Villar said the Senate is ready to tackle all proposals that would serve as an alternative to the value-added tax (VAT).

Lawmakers and various sectors have been calling for the reduction, suspension or scrapping of the 12 percent VAT on petroleum products. They argue that the tax being levied on oil imports contributes heavily to the high prices of fuel, which push up the prices of basic commodities.

Lawmakers said the subsidies from VAT revenues being given to the people are not enough to help them cope with the increasing prices of basic goods.

Malacañang says scrapping the oil VAT would paralyze government operations and adversely affect the delivery of basic services.

“If we are going to remove VAT, we have to determine the proper replacement so government revenues will not be severely affected,” Villar said.

He said it would also not be wise to scrap VAT altogether without enacting legislation that would give the government at least half of what it was getting from the oil VAT.

Senators Manuel Roxas II and Ramon Revilla Jr. also expressed hope that the coming State of the Nation Address (SONA) of President Arroyo on Monday would depict the true economic situation of the country.

Sen. Loren Legarda, for her part, said it would help if climate change would be included in the SONA along with the government’s contingency plan for natural calamities.

She said the disasters and calamities that struck the nation in the last few months should serve as a wake-up call for the administration to pay close attention to climate change.

Legarda said strategies must be clearly defined to adapt to climate change impacts on food security, environment and water resources.

Roxas, for his part, said the people deserve a better SONA from the President.

“We don’t need another litany of achievements and new promises… We (must) move in on concrete solutions to alleviate the increasing pains of the needy,” he said.

According to Roxas, many people are inclined to dismiss the upcoming SONA “as a self-serving political show.”

“What they want to hear and see is an honest statement on the situation, an honest-to-goodness inventory of our resources and capabilities, and a clear road out of the deepening crisis,” he said.

Roxas said Mrs. Arroyo should spell out in her SONA the details on how to achieve greater productivity for the poor rather than focus on providing dole-out programs.

Revilla, on the other hand, also said the SONA must state the solutions to the present economic crisis.

He said it would be proper for Malacañang to lay down its plans to address the increasing costs of basic commodities.

“What we need are concrete programs. I am optimistic that the SONA will be full of specific answers, not cloudy proposals. It will determine the country’s direction,” Revilla said.

Revilla said the socio-economic programs for the medium- and long-terms had already been articulated in the previous SONAs and “what the people want to hear right now are answers to everyday problems, which are expected to worsen before it gets better.”

Revilla said he would want to hear a substantial portion of the SONA devoted to the government’s programs on alternative sources of fuel.

Focus on the crisis

Malacañang said President Arroyo will deliver “a no-frills” SONA on Monday that would take a hard look at the country’s economy.

The President will unveil a massive social welfare program to help Filipinos weather the effects of the global food and fuel crises, Presidential Management Staff chief Secretary Cerge Remonde said.

“It (SONA) will be straightforward and the President will confront the situation and will lay out plans on how she intends to address the crisis,” Remonde said.

“There will be no denying that we have problems as the entire world is confronting this matter,” he said.

Remonde said Mrs. Arroyo would just state the national welfare programs without the “rhetorical floweries” which she will unveil on Monday as a “very well crafted, very well consolidated plan.”

The President’s economic adviser, Albay Rep. Joey Salceda, said the “single biggest achievement of President Arroyo is in rebuilding the state capacity for affirmative intervention either to reduce poverty, enhance competitiveness, correct structural imbalances and confront external shocks.”

He said the debt-to-Gross Domestic Product ratio falling to 51 percent from 78 percent and the Consolidated Public Sector Deficit of P310 billion reversed to a surplus of P67 billion provide adequate long term resources “to do good and to do well.”

“It (Arroyo administration) did these by growing the GDP, taxing the middle class and paying down debt,” Salceda said.

But the biggest challenge facing the administration, according to Salceda, is using that capacity to reduce poverty.

Salceda said the recent increase in poverty was due to the inability of the bureaucracy to spend either for big-ticket infrastructure for growth or for mass programs for the poor.

There is also the “historical incapacity to tax the rich instead of the middle-class” and controlling the population growth, which is higher among the poor, Salceda said.

Presidential Adviser on Political Affairs and Interior Secretary Ronaldo Puno said Mrs. Arroyo would also compare the country to its neighbors in Southeast Asia and East Asia in dealing with world crisis.

Puno expressed “hope our people will listen to everything that she says which is all verifiable and I think a clear and honest description of the response that the government is taking to all of these challenges that face us.”

Puno added Mrs. Arroyo is expected to tackle not only the world crisis but also what the government is doing to address the issues on the local front.

Puno though admitted the country faces more challenges that were not anticipated and mentioned in the SONA last year.

“From a year ago the challenges that faced our country have changed, we did not see the (increase in the) prices of oil and rice,” Puno said.

“So the problems that are faced by our country are different. I think we will see that in spite of all of these crises the government has been able to respond very proactively to all of these problems.”

Remonde, on the other hand, said it was unfortunate that critics are hitting the SONA when it has not been delivered yet.

He said the President is expected to give assurances that there will be no new taxes but she will also reiterate the reasons why the value-added tax (VAT) should not be scrapped despite a strong clamor from various sectors.

She will also restate her position on the issue of population management in supporting the stand of the Catholic Bishops’ Conference of the Philippines against legislated family planning methods.

Remonde said the President would make no mention of amending the Constitution in her SONA.

He said Mrs. Arroyo would also seek congressional funding for rehabilitation programs for areas hit by the recent typhoon.

Usual rhetoric

Critics, however, are expecting that Mrs. Arroyo will deliver the usual rhetoric on her SONA and declared they will “set her on fire” again on Monday.

Militant groups led by Bagong Alyansang Makabayan (Bayan) said they are working to put up the biggest effigy of Mrs. Arroyo and set it on fire during the SONA.

Renato Reyes of Bayan said they are working to complete a 21-foot tall effigy that will feature the hull of a sinking ship and Mrs. Arroyo flying away on board a plane.

This is to depict the Arroyo administration as “a sinking vessel with the captain of the ship even robbing the passengers,” Reyes said.

In what could be a preview of the planned massive anti-SONA protest, militants held separate rallies in Manila to show the real state of the working class in the country.

Protesters from the Alliance of Progressive Labor (APL) gathered yesterday at the Welcome Rotonda to dramatize their protest over the worsening plight of Filipino workers, particularly the minimum wage earners.

APL official Edwin Bustillos said there had been no improvement in the lives of Filipino workers since Mrs. Arroyo assumed the presidency.

Bustillos said the government has been implementing repressive policies against workers.

“The government has been consistently violating our right to development. This is one of the many crimes that this government has committed,” Bustillos added.

Security forces, on the other hand, are gearing up in anticipation of a showdown with rallyists on Monday where Mrs. Arroyo is expected to deliver her SONA at the opening of session of Congress.

The Philippine National Police (PNP) said security preparations had been made for the SONA with about 6,200 policemen, military and traffic enforcers deployed to secure the 16-hectare Batasang Pambansa complex and surrounding areas.

PNP chief for operations Director Silverio Alarcio said a full alert would be implemented starting tomorrow, with additional deployment of policemen from the Central Luzon and Southern Tagalog provinces to complement the security around Batasan.

National Capital Region Police Office (NCRPO) chief Director Geary Barias said the policemen to be deployed around Batasan had been briefed by the Commission on Human Rights (CHR) to observe maximum tolerance in dealing with the rallyists.

“We’re very optimistic that the SONA will turn out to be a peaceful one. We will allow the protesters to express their sentiments within the bounds of law. We have to balance the freedom of expression and that of law and order,” Barias said.

Barias though revealed they have received intelligence reports of a communist hit squad infiltrating the ranks of the rallyists. But he gave assurances that every security detail has not been overlooked and has been properly implemented.

Barias estimated the protesters will swell up to 7,000 in number but the rallies would be confined.

“We are almost 100 percent ready at this time. The traffic rerouting scheme will be out tomorrow (July 26) and it will take effect at 9 am of July 28,” he said.

Barias said policemen will be present in the area as early as 4 a.m. on Monday. –With Paolo Romero, Christina Mendez, Delon Porcalla, Cecille Suerte Felipe, Katherine Adraneda, Mayen Jaymalin, Reinir Padua

You don't know how much you hurt me.

2008-07-20T20:24:00.000+08:00

This is the most painful thing I have ever heard from the person who was supposed to love me unconditionally despite who or what I am, regardless of what mistakes I make or how I may turn out to be.

"Maraming magagandang damit, hinihintay ka lang gumanda."

ASC Statement on Boycott of July 10 Classes

2008-07-11T02:27:00.000+08:00

The University of the Philippines will always place a premium on truth and justice in society. The UP Architecture Student Council (ASC) fully recognizes this role and at the same time strives to uphold it, along with the University’s mantra of academic freedom and excellence.

Although the current predicament calls for action, with the proposed full- day boycott of classes on July 10, the ASC openly disapproves the proposal. With utmost regard to the idea, it is but inappropriate, ineffective, and unproductive to express one’s dissatisfaction through boycotting and/or walking out of classes. We lament that, this time, even classes have to be sacrificed and put into line. There is nothing wrong with voicing out complaints and registering opposition, for as long as we do not contradict with our raison d'etre for being in the University. Being a scholar of the nation necessarily demands from us the responsibility of being scholar for the nation as well. After all, we are here in the University to study, hone our skills and talents, and to make full-use of the money paid, upshot of the blood and sweat of our Filipino taxpayers.

There are more productive ways to express and show protest. Our duties as scholars for the people should not just be limited to noble and pretentious acts.

Study well and use the knowledge you’ll gather to help our fellow Filipinos. If you feel that you are called to do more, for our nation, then pick yourself up and do it. There is nothing more fulfilling, than knowing that the taxes our parents, our neighbors, our countrymen are spending for us are being paid forward.

Be PRODUCTIVE.

ISKOLAR ng BAYAN, MAG-ARAL para sa BAYAN!

In service of the students,

The ASC (Architecture Student Council)

Some Fun

2008-07-03T17:39:00.000+08:00

Guys, lookie here!

You'll loooooooooove this!

Sa Bawat Araw na Ginawa ng Diyos...

2008-07-03T15:39:00.000+08:00

ganito ang buhay natin.

[stolen from gabby pontejos]

Every New Semester:After First Week:After Second Week:Before the Mid-Term Test:During the Mid-Term Test:After the Mid-Term Test:Before the Final Exams:Once Get to Know the Final Exam Schedule:7 Days Before the Final Exam:6 Days Before the Final Exam:5 Days Before the Final Exam:4 Days Before the Final Exam:3 Days Before the Final Exam:2 Days Before the Final Exam:1 Day Before the Final Exam:The Night Before the Final Exam:1 Hour Before the Final Exam:During the Final Exam:Once Walk Out From the Examination Hall:After the Final Exam, During the Holiday:

badtrip!!!

2008-07-02T20:28:00.000+08:00

i just want a shirt. or at least fit into one. but noooooooooooooooooooooo. i had to have big "assets". stupid shirts, i was just a couple inches off the largest size. stupid, really stupid shirts, making me so insecure at the dead of night. this sucks!!!!

i hate this day. :'(

Will Cook. Don

2008-06-29T09:50:00.000+08:00

Dear You. [stolen from gabby]

2008-06-29T09:41:00.000+08:00

Dear my sister's classmate.

I don't really know how to tell you this, but your nostrils are insulting.
I think I realized it when I changed tennis shoes outside of Chicago and I saw you sit at my avocado plant.

I'm sure you're frostbitten enough to understand that I did a sex-change.

I'm returning the pictures from L.A. to you, but I'll keep my common sense as a memory.
You should also know that I told my confession today about hating the Boston Celtics.

Go burn,
Precious

Do it like this:
Dear (the person who last texted/smsed you).
I don't really know how to tell you this, but ___1___.
I think I realized it ___2___ ___3___ and I saw you ___4___ ___5___.

I'm sure you're ___6___ enough to understand ___7___.

I'm returning ___8___ to you, but I'll keep ___9___ as a memory.
You should also know that I ___10___ ___11___.

___12___,
-Your name-

1. What's the color of your shirt?
Blue - Our romance is over
Red - Our affair is over
White - I'll join the monastery
Black - I dislike you
Green - Our horoscope doesn't match
Grey - You're a pervert
Yellow - I'm selling myself
Pink - Your nostrils are insulting
Brown - The mafia wants you
No shirt - You're a loser
Other - I'm inlove with your sister

2. Which is your birth month?
January - That night
February - Last year
March - When your dwarf bit me
April - When I tripped on sesame seeds
May - First of May
June - When you put cuffs on me
July - When I threw up
August - When I saw the shrunken head
September - When we skinny dipped
October - When I quoted Santa
November - When your dog ran amok
December - When I changed tennis shoes

3. Which food do you prefer?
Tacos - In your apartment
Pizza - In your camping car
Pasta - Outside of Chicago
Hamburgers - Under the bus
Salad - As you ate enchilada
Chicken - In your closet
Kebab - With Paris Hilton
Fish - In women's clothing
Sandwiches - At the Hare Krishna graduation
Lasagna - At the mental hospital
Hot dog - Under a state of trance
Annat; With George Bush and his wife

4. What's the color of your socks?
Yellow - Hit on
Red - Insult
Black - Ignore
Blue - Knock out
Purple - Pour syrup on
White - Carve your initials into
Grey - Pull the clothes off
Brown - Put leeches on
Orange - Castrate
Pink - Pull the toupee off
Barefoot - Sit at
Other - Drive out

5. What's the color of your underwear?
Black - My best friend
White - My father
Grey - Bill Clinton
Brown - My fart balloon
Purple - My mustard soufflé
Red - Donald Duck
Blue - My avocado plant
Yellow - My penpal in Ghana
Orange - My Kid Rock-collection
Pink - Manchester United's goalkeeper
None - My John F. Kennedy-statue
Other - The crazy monk

6. What do you prefer to watch on TV?
Scrubs- Man
O.C.- Emotional
One Tree Hill- Open
Heroes- Frostbitten
Lost- High
House- Scarred
Simpsons- Cowardly
The news- Mongolic
Idol- Masochistic
Family Guy- Senile
Top Model- Middle-class
Annat- Ashamed

7. Your mood right now?
Happy - How awful I've felt
Sad - How boring you are
Bored - That Santa doesn't exist
Angry - That your pimples are at the last stage
Depressed - That we're cousins
Excited - That there is no solution to this.
Nervous - The middle-east
Worried - That your Honda sucks
Apathetic - That I did a sex-change
Ashamed - That I'm allergic to your hamster
Cuddly - That I get turned on by garbage men
Overjoyous - That I'm open
Other - That Extreme Home Makeover sucks

8. What's the color of your walls in your bedroom?
White - Your ring
Yellow - Your love letters
Red - Your Darth Vader-poster
Black - Your tame stone
Blue - The couch cushions
Green - The pictures from LA
Orange - Your false teeth
Brown - Your contact book
Grey - Our matching snoopy-bibs
Purple - Your old lottery coupons
Pink - The cut toenails
Other - Your memories from the military service

9. The first letter of your first name?
A/B - Your photo
C/D - The oil stocks
E/F - Your neighbour Martin
G/H - My virginity
I/J - The results of blood-sample
K/L - Your left ear
M/N - Your suicide note
O/P - My common sense
Q/R - Your mom
S/T - Your collection of butterflies
U/V - Your criminal record
W/X - David's tricot outfits
Y/Z - Your grades from college

10. The last letter in your last name?
A/B - Always will remember
C/D - Never will forget
E/F - Always wanted to break
G/H - Never openly mocked
I/J - Always have felt dirty before
K/L - Will tell the authorities about
M/N - Told in my confession today about
O/P - Was interviewed by the Times about
Q/R - Told my psychiatrist about
S/T - Get sick when I think of
U/V - Always will try to forget
W/X - Am better off without
Y/Z - Never liked

11. What do you prefer to drink?
Water- Our friendship
Beer - Senility
Soft drink - A new life as a clone
Soda - The incarnation as an eskimo
Milk - The apartment building
Wine - Cocaine abuse
Cider - A passionate interest for mice
Juice - Oprah Winfrey imitations
Mineral water - Embarrassing rash
Hot chocolate - Eggplant-fetishism
Whisky - To ruin the second world war
Other - To hate the Boston Celtics

12. To which country would you prefer to go on a vacation?
Thailand - Warm regards
USA - Best regards
England - Good luck on your short-term leave from jail
Spain - Go and drown yourself
China - Disgusting regards
Germany - With ease
Japan - Go burn
Greece - Your everlasting enemy
Australia - Greetings to your frog Leonard
Egypt - Fuck off now
France - In pain
Other - Greetings to your freaky family

Beautiful Pig

2008-06-29T08:21:00.000+08:00

I have no problems with my weight, it is you who has a problem with it. I don't care what others may think.Time and again I have proven people wrong of their prejudgements of me, despite my weight.

It is you that is my problem. You and your obvious loathing for what you see in me.

I have enough confidence for me to survive. I may be how I am, but I have a face that is pleasant enough with a personality to kill. I am likeable enough that no one would criticize me openly just because I am fat. And I don't care about what they say behind my back.

FAT. That's the word. I AM FAT. Not overweight, not hormonally imbalanced, not metabolically retarded. I. AM. FAT.

Stop projecting your frustrations on me because it doesn't work. Stop comparing me to anyone else because I DON'T CARE. I will lose weight when I want to, on my terms. I am beautiful, and no amount of calories will ever take that away. I know that if I don't control myself I might be too fat to haul my ass of this floor in a couple of years. But even then, I will still see myself for what I really am. I am beautiful. A beautiful pig.

This is my life, not yours. I am not you. Stop trying to turn me into something you want to be but couldn't. Stop forcing me to live a life that is not my own. Stop making me repress who I really am! This is who I am, right here right now. I don't want to be anyone else.

Someday, I'll make you proud. But it will be on my terms, in my own way, with my own methods. Regardless of my weight. You know my potential, what I could be in the future if I just work it. I know you look forward to that day. That day that you'll be proud to say that I am yours - smart, savvy, and with a really sexy body.

Why can't you just love me for who I am now, instead of who I could someday be?

You're So Dramatic

2007-09-21T22:42:00.000+08:00

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Being Filipino makes us very moral persons, and indeed, whether or not we would like to admit it, we make a lot of our decisions based on our values alone, without really considering other factors.

Admirable, isn't it, that we are able to look past countless possibilities just to uphold the very chaste image of our country. Instead of recognizing the chance to feed a few more families, what with the added job demand that will be brought about by a new aspect in medical tourism, we tend to focus on how our country will look like, being a center for sex change.

Then again, doesn't being in a democracy give us a freedom of choice as long as we are abiding the law? Then isn't setting up legislation to ban a person's right to his/her sexual preference illegal in itself?

Yes, maybe we shouldn't be so proud of being "sex change central", and yes, maybe we should not advertise it as one of the finer points of our society, but isn't it a bit over the top to actually ban sex change, and to propose to arrest any doctor who would perform such medical procedures?

Being in a patriarchal society, it is understood why so many people frown upon anything that undermines the power of the male specimen, such as femininity, or in this case, a choice to give up being a man. But being in a country where wars have been fought just to maintain what liberty we are experiencing right now, isn't it a huge slap on the face of those people who have fought hard for our freedom to simply restrict our people's right to choose their gender?

Homosexuals have so often been coined to be very emotional, but imposing laws to ban sex change from our country for the sake of a so-called morality that for some reason has been left by the times, isn't that so dramatic?

Somewhere in the Middle

2007-09-16T14:48:00.000+08:00

Amidst the endless discussions of religion and philosophies and what-have-yous,
I am reminded yet again of my high school days, of boring afternoons spent in
gazebos and ledges, talking about our different faiths.

No way! I'm no athiest!

I am not an agnostic.

Really, I'm not.

I mean it.

Thus I have answered numerous inquiries regarding my faith. Despite my numerous explanations, though, it is still rare for people to just accept what I have to say, which is really unbelievable, given that my stand is not in the least bit controversial, that is of course unless you are a religious fanatic.

I was born into a Catholic family, and was raised as a Catholic. I spent three years in a Christian school and four years in a Catholic school, before entering a Science High School, where my first year homeroom teacher is a Jehovah's Witness, my fourth year homeroom teacher is a Born Again Christian pastor, and the principal for most of my stay there was a Mormon.

What did that do to my faith? Nothing really.

I was never religious, which is probably what makes it so difficult for me to wake up every Sunday morning to go to Church and to stay awake during the boring lectures of priests who rarely correlate their sermons with our everyday lives (at least this is the case in our Church). I cannot see the need to go to Church every Sunday as if it was the entire display of our faith. Once again, do not blame my religious influences, for I have held this belief since I was in Grade School, that to be a good person is better than to be an avid Church-goer.

I even remember that one of the lowest grades in an essay that I ever got was for the question "How do we show our love for God?" to which I responded, in a nutshell, being helpful to others, trying to be a positive influence, and every other good deed I could think of EXCEPT going to Church. I was quite disappointed that I did not get a "star" for what I thought was a really good answer.

I never liked going to Church, although when I was a little girl, I enjoyed going to Sunday School where I learned new songs and dances and, when I was a bit older, handing out cookies to the younger kids and participating in Medical Missions and singing in the choir. There was even a time when I served in my school's chapel and was one of the select few with the title of "Chapel Angel". Church was fine as long as I did not have to sit idly and listen.

Maybe it's the fault of my religion teachers, who insisted that we must try to convert others to our faith, because we are at the right, but not to be biased or show criticism to other people's religions. AT THE RIGHT? It just didn't seem at all "right" to me to convince my non-Catholic peers to shift their outlooks to mine just because we THINK we're at the right and are the ones going to heaven.

Some time in my high school days, I lost my faith in the Catholic Church. Though I do not wish to tell further of what took place, I must say that I can no longer stand by a religion whose leaders themselves do not follow what they preach. It was at this time that I began to "officially" open up to the idea of a new religion, though still under the Christian realm. Of course, I was leaning towards the more active faiths, the ones with the dancing and singing and open mindedness that some members of my religion did not possess. The only religious services I looked forward to then were ecumenical ones.

Yes, I believe in a God, but not necessarily our God. I am one of those who find the division of faiths nonsense, and that all the prophets and saints and Jesus Christs and Mohammads all come from just one higher being, not necessarily Yahweh, or Allah, or Brahma, or whoever. Whatever differences modern (and even ancient) religions have, it is because of human thought, which by the way is SO NOT infallible that it's pathetic to even rely on for something that has cost the lives of many over the years and has molded how we go about everything in this world.

No, I am not an agnostic. Like I said, I do believe in a God, or rather, in a higher being that to my religion is called God, and in order to show my praise for the great Creator, I remain a Catholic, in the faith I was brought up to believe in. Do I believe in all the Church's doctrines? Goodness, I don't even agree with a lot of them.

But if I were given a choice, I would rather have no religion at all, and that the whole world would be filled with athiests and agnostics with good hearts, all thinking of the greater good of everyone else. That way, even if we did not have religion, we would all be going to heaven (or whatever it is called in other religions) when we die.

If there is such a thing.

Another Monologue on Choices and Such

2007-08-31T01:42:00.000+08:00

Apart from these words are things I'd never want to say. Still, I wonder, why can't I just say them?

We are people, and we make mistakes, but there are limits to everyone's patience, and once in a while, we must pay dearly for what we have, or have not, done. Must we wait until that time before we make any move?

Jean-Jacques Rousseau, in his first discourse, defended his view that the restoration of arts and sciences has corrupted instead of purifying our morals. Harsh as it may seem, that what gives us so much pride and joy is what has brought us farther away from our natural goodwill, it's true, isn't it?

Funny how what we thought would be best for humanity has slowly taken away or humanity and turned us into nothing more than robots with no hearts, empty heads, and an appetite for knowledge.

Now, don't get me wrong. I'm not against the learning. In fact, I'm all for the learning. But still, being surrounded by people of varying degrees of intellect, I cannot help but notice that with every person I meet, a higher value of IQ means one or more "issue". While some of these people have some dark secret in their past, others are simply not as well-adjusted.

I remember one quotation from a TV show, "You can't be successful without being damaged." Think about it.

Personally, I actually believe this statement. I may not know much about anything, but I do know enough of myself to know that I wouldn't have gotten where I am right now if it wasn't for my past failures and disappointments. Isn't that how we are, people? We deal with our problems by focusing our energies on something, anything else. We work, and work, and work, until at the end of the day, we fall into dreamless sleep. We know it's not healthy, we know we have to face our issues sooner or later, but we do it anyway, and hope that our conflicts would be resolved on their own, but they never do.

Once in a while, we'd even encounter a person who is so immersed in his love for learning, that we can no longer see where the scholar ends and the human being begins - and we'd be jealous of these people, because they seem so at ease with how they deal with the world. So we strive to learn more, to be just like them. But shouldn't we be feeling sorry for them, and ourselves, instead? We have a beautiful world before us, though this beauty may be relative, and we fail to recognize the fact that we already know everything we need to know to live, and that everything else is just an added weight in our minds?

Now, maybe I just haven't been exposed to a vast enough network of people to say this for sure. But I'm pretty confident in concluding, at least for the crowd that I am familiar with, that indeed, it is what has hurt us that has made us want more from life, to make up for the damage that we took, and that as we work harder and harder, we forget to be ourselves and choose to be nothing more than robots.

Should this stop us from wanting to learn? No. But we must aim for a balance, a middle road between the Path of Learning and the Path of the Heart. We must choose to be in the middle position, because we have always had that choice.

Junior Kelloggs - A Brief Memoir -

2007-07-01T21:15:00.000+08:00

from here until the next few posts, I will be
posting a few short tributes to my very special friends. i love you, guys.
*sniff, sniff*

This extra-sentimental memoir was brought about by Selah's e-mail and her comment on my friendster account and the brief chat we had earlier.

translation: if you find this post extra-corny, it's your fault. :p

It's quite flattering to find out that someone still reads my blog, aside from my professor who checks it once a week because he has to.

I started my last year in high school with very little confidence that I was going to make it through. After a very traumatic experience with this *insert any hurtful word here* classmate of mine, who's company I found out I had to suffer for yet another year, I really wasn't looking forward for classes to start again. What's more, I was told that there were a lot of people in my class that I predicted I wouldn't like. The noisy, rowdy, papansin kind of people with lots of attitude problems - people who think they're all that *very bitter tone*. Selah was one of those whom I expected to make my fourth year miserable. As you can see, I'm quite the optimist.

Oh, there were a few things that assured me I'd survive, I guess. Jigz (from LR[1]), Mikki (from FFG[1]) and Paulo (from 3B[1]) were going to be there, but the feeling of abandonment still remained when I found out that most of my third year barkada would either be classmates or would have the same breaks. I felt so isolated I wanted to die.

Of course, fourth year came and went.

Junior Kelloggs defined everything that meant anything to me in Becquerel -IV. It actually seemed quite fitting to be in a group of 4 in my fourth year of high school. There's me, Selah, Jigz and Miks. We had many annexes - being part of bigger groups and having different extra-curricular activities - but at the end of the day, we always turned to each other for comfort, or sometimes, we forced whoever had the problem to submit to being comforted.

Academically, I don't know if we actually did each other any good. We were more like partners-in-crime. We cut class or slept in class, failed to submit individual projects, cheated and let others cheat, and a million other offenses. (Mikki actually sent us text messages with a list of reasons why we should've been kicked out ages ago. :P) The funny thing was, we were all class officers and, surprisingly, were often key players in class presentations. This particular thing we gave us more reasons to cut, and our classmates often covered up for us - since we sometimes cut to take care of class projects, anyway.

Yeah, we got away with a couple of things. I cut class so much my physics teacher once asked, on a day when I was "sick" again, if I had already dropped from school.

Maybe you'd wonder why we stuck together. Sometimes I wonder too.

There was only one thing we all actually had in common: We didn't care. We hardly gave a damn what anybody thinks about us. (This particular attitude of mine actually sometimes caused me trouble with my parents, him, and other people. But hey, that's me, and they love me for it. ) We were so comfortable with one another we talked about the growsest stuff (we knew they were growse because other people were appalled by our conversations) and didn't mind.

We were each other's moral support, despite each of our emotional shortcomings. Selah was afraid of attachment, at the same time needing it. I desperately needed to feel. Jigz admitted to needing attention, Mikki needed to be understood. We all did. Individually we were so fragile, so easy to break and so easily tortured, but together, we were assured of having someone when all else failed.

Yes, we were a group, but instead of demanding time from one another, we understood each other's need for time alone. In fact, it was only with this particular barkada that I did not feel so much the desperation for their company, but was thankful whenever I could have it. The more I needed them, the more they leftme alone, until I would come to them asking for someone to catch me, which they'd do more than willingly. The Junior Kelloggs were the only females in my class who had the common sense not to impose their presence on me when I'm crying in the Fourth Floor CR's last cubicle. They were the only girls in my class who had any sense.

Some of our cutting sessions were spent like that. Choosing our individual brooding spots and ignoring each other, at other times pouring our hearts out or laughing loudly in the square gazebo or the English Reading Center, still at other times getting "sick" or sleeping wherever we could after a bad night.

No, I'm not saying we understood one another, I'm not sure we actually did. If there was anything I learned in high school, it was respect and unconditional love. Of course, other people might see it in another way.

[1] see next posts - soon to follow.

Hung-Over

2007-06-24T18:03:00.000+08:00

Sometimes I wonder how in the world I got this far. Finally a college student, I thought that, at last, I'd be a responsible, mature young lady. So far, I've only succeeded in being young.

It's been two weeks since I officially became one of those most revered "Iskolar[s] ng Bayan" - not including the summer I spent taking up ROTC and continuing on with our OJT. By now, I should have been well-adapted to college life, but apparently, I'm still not.

It's the usual insecurities, I guess. No, I'm not worried about fitting in, I've already found my place in the vast expanse of University way before I was officially enrolled. I came to UP without even being afraid to make new friends, and in fact was very confident that I'd be able to have someone to talk to wherever I may be (due to being a CO, and having gone to several schools in my pre-college education). I didn't even feel the culture shock I'm supposed to be feeling right now. It's as if I'm just staying in a warped environment filled with Xientians, Knollers and people from my other not-so-known previous school.

Okay, fine. Maybe I am a bit frustrated with how almost all of my blockmates are conio or chinito or perky party people. But being used to not caring and being utterly approachable, at times to my disadvantage, the presence of these people and my daily interaction with them do not necessarily affect my life, and neither do I affect them significantly - which by the way, is absolutely fine by me.

I'm afraid, yes, not of the new things I'll have to experience, but the things I'll leave behind. The people. I've never been good with these kinds of things. Moving on and getting on with my life. There's always a sad ghost by my side of the friends who slowly drifted away from me, and I can't help but blame myself.

At least I have him to hold on to, but what about the others? I miss the old times so much, cutting class and hanging out with the Junior Kelloggs or The Ten or 3B or the Laudrichites, laughing away our worries and fears, as if there was no N (where N=no. of tests, projects and requirements for the next day). Those little moments of heaven that I get to spend with the very few people to whom I know I matter, and to whom I want to matter - the reasons for my existence.

Yes, it's time to move on, but I can't just let go, though I feel them slipping from my fingers, it doesn't make me want to keep them any bit less...

2007-05-20T16:44:00.000+08:00

guess it's been a really long while.. and this isn't really the best time for me to be posting anything.. my brother's sick. anyway, here's just some song lyrics to an imogen heap song. it's really nice if you really read into it.

Leave Me To Love
Imogen Heap

Complications, more so I can say
Promises and deadlines make it hard to stay away.
All these strings are attaching to me,
And I can’t find the scissors.
Yeah
All I tell them 'I’m back' and I’m not.
I can’t remember where I was, I forgot.
Knitting it all, these holes that I need,
To crawl through a brick wall,
Is hard to say the least.

Where’s that thought, that thought uncomplicated things?
Where’s that peace of mind, that peace that made it easy?
Where’s that simple day, that simply made it nice to be in.
Where did it go? Where did it go? Where did it go?
Yeah.

I got you a murky light, tell me what can you see?
A huge cloud of shit, hanging over me.
Can you blow it all somewhere else?
It’s making it hell to distinguish myself.
Tired of the tyrants who only think they’re all business.
Pissed with their patience, they constantly agree.
'Yes sir, yes sir, three hundred bags full.'
It’s easier to say yes than to say no to a fool.

Where’s that thought, that thought uncomplicated things?
Where’s that peace of mind, that peace that made it easy?
Where’s that simple day, that simply made it nice to be in.
Where did it go? Where did it go? Where did it go?
Yeah.

Cover me in cyanide
Cover me in ink
Cover me in formaldehyde
And leave me here to think.
Cover me in carpet
Cover me in tile.
Cover me and evict me and put me in a file.

Strip me bare, don’t let me breathe.
Strip me to my skin.
Strip me so you can watch me clean off,
All these things I’ve been.
Strip me naked of these walls
Strip me of all my rules
Strip me boy and see how small I am without you.

Inseminate the good now
Inseminate the pure
Inseminate all the shit that I’ve forgotten how to whore.
Inseminate the natural
Inseminate the dirt
Inseminate the ineffectual
And leave me here to love.
Leave me here to love

Where’s that thought, that thought uncomplicated things?
Where’s that peace of mind, that peace that made it easy?
Where’s that simple day, that simply made it nice to be in.
Where did it go? Where did it go? Where did it go?
Yeah.
Leave me here to love.

Just Hold Me

2007-03-08T23:13:00.001+08:00

but if i wanted silence
i would whisper
and if i wanted loneliness
i'd choose to go
and if i like rejection
i'd audition
and if i didn't love you
you would know...

and why can't you just hold me?
and how come it is so hard
and do you like to see me broken
and why do i still care?

poor little misunderstood baby
no one likes a sad face...

… then i guess no one likes me …

2007-03-08T23:08:00.001+08:00

THAT DAY, I DIED

2007-03-08T22:16:00.000+08:00

the following post is a short story i wrote sometime in august 2006..

What drives people crazy? What drives them insane? Sometimes I have to wonder.

That day, I lived.

From what I gathered, she was a sweet girl. Her smile could melt even the hardest of hearts; her face was that of an angel, her eyes were soft and gentle – like a calming breeze on a hot summer’s day. Her skin was fair and smooth and even her hair seemed to shine. Though she was petite and could easily be lost in a crowd, the moment you see her she would easily stand out. She was finely sculpted, a mixture of strength and sensuality. She exuded this grace and delicacy that could no longer be found in any other girl of our age – it’s as if she glowed. Simply put, she was beautiful.

The sun barely shone that day. It was a small gathering, mostly of family and some of my sister’s closest friends. They were all wracked with grief, commemorating her – exactly the way she wanted it. In heartfelt tears, they all say that they’re never again going to hear her laugh, or speak, or sing, because now she’s all gone. I say, now she’s all mine.

My job at the local gazette brought me to her. My editor was something short of a real father to her and her sister, and he wanted to run a full page farewell for her sister, “now that she has passed on.” Big deal. Don’t get me wrong, I respect my editor, I love my job and I like doing what I do. But sacrificing all the obituaries I have written for tomorrow’s issue for just one person seems so wrong. It’s just wrong.

There he was, a man. He was not invited to the wake. He was neither a member of our family nor a friend of my sister that I knew of. I asked him if he was lost. He looked back at me, obviously confused. “Mr. Edwards…” No wonder.

Is this the dead girl’s sister? I wondered. The toll of death on those it leaves behind comes in many ways. - Hysteria, tears, the four stages of grief. Just like the scene that surrounded me. But hers was different. She is beautiful, and though I have just met her now, I know, by the way her full, red lips curved into a smile, that she has never been this exuberant. This happy. Triumphant. How could one be triumphant over her own sister’s death? I wonder…

He looked up at me, his eyes clouded, full of questions. His hair was a mess, as if he’s just woken up. His mouth was parted to a small “O”, it was like he was amazed at what he was seeing – me. No. He was bewildered, like a child lost in a sea of strangers. He kept to himself, periodically surveying the room, a cat, ready to pounce on his unsuspecting prey. He was sharp, silent and maybe even dangerous. I think I’m in love.

I got up and walked around, talking to people. All I know is that a girl is dead. I did not know why or how. I did not know what she was when she was still alive. Nor did I have any idea how she could have inspired so many tears. It’s time to get to know her. It’s time to do my job.

My lover – he’s talking to other people. No. I will not allow this. He should be mine. Just mine. No one else can have him, but me. He will mine.

It was not an ordinary death. According to those who were gathered, today was supposed to be her wedding day – her fiancé was the one up front, with his head in his hands, his back an impossible arch – like he intended to break it. At that moment, he carried a weight heavier than any one else on earth. I came up to him. “It’s better this way,” I fumbled, never having learned the art of comforting others, “at least now she won’t have to suffer. You should be happy for her.” He stared back at me, with bloodshot eyes, speaking nothing. As I turned to move on, he whispered: She was murdered. Oh.

He was evil, my sister’s boyfriend. He wanted to take her away from me. He wanted her to leave me. She loved him, the bastard. She did everything he asked, she was willing to go, to be all his. But now, she’s all mine.

So many people seemed to care about her. All of them in deep misery, contemplating a treasure they have lost. Murdered. How did she die? My curiosity was aroused and I cannot hold back.

What is he still doing? It’s been a long time. He should be back here with me by now. Why is he talking to all these people? They’re not his friends. They don’t care about him. I am the only one who does. Only I love him. Only I care. Why hasn’t he come back to me yet? I’m getting impatient.

They say she was choked to death two days before her wedding. Her sister, the beautiful one, walked into their garage hours before dawn to find her lifeless body on the floor, limp and cold. She must have been really shocked, they said. The fiancé came into the garage that afternoon, looking for his beloved. He saw the two sisters on the floor – one dead with her eyes closed, it was a hot afternoon, and she was starting to decompose; the other sister sitting up in a fetal position, looking down, oblivious to the stench. Her face was unreadable.

He’s coming back to me. Good.

What the authorities have now of the suspect were all assumptions. They believe she was killed by a woman smaller than her, whose hands could hardly make it around her neck. The marks on her neck were slightly angled and wounds were found in places where a woman’s long nails might have dug into. She was killed by a small woman of strength, with small hands and long nails.

He sat down, his forehead wrinkled, deep in thought. He looks even better now than he did a while ago. That moment, I knew. He must be mine.

A scary thought passed through my mind. I shivered. She held my hand, and asked me what’s wrong. It was a mistake to look down. Her hands were dainty, her fingers small, and her nails long. I hope I was wrong.

He stood up to go. He did not even say goodbye.

There was blood under her nails.

No, he can’t leave me. Now he’s going to be mine.

I hear her footsteps. She’s drawing near.

Now we’re alone.

I was right.

All mine.

2007-03-08T21:34:00.000+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY EUNICE!

What Went Wrong?

2007-03-08T05:28:00.000+08:00

i would just like to point out that the following is a reaction paper. and that i really don't care who reads it. and that if anybody will not like it, it's their fault for expecting too much of themselves, or for reading it in the first place.

really, i'd rather just shout it out to the world than find out that some people read my reaction paper and did not like it, especially when it's none of their business to read it, anyway.

the reaction paper was a requirement for a teacher. she asked us to react. so i gave my views. they're MINE. and if you've got any complaints, that's your problem. Ü

p.s. i would like to thank whoever will read this and appreciate the honesty i have written this with.

What Went Wrong?

No, seriously, what went wrong?

It is with deepest regret that I express my disappointment in this year’s Scientia Ensemble Theater production of Grease! Because of the success of last year’s God, I really was expecting something phenomenal. Instead I got a mediocre performance.

I do not wish to be rude nor do I intend to hurt anyone. This is a reaction paper and I plan to react, though I wish I had better things to say. Sadly, I would just like to point out that my dissatisfaction for last night’s event is not only for the play, but for the audience members as well.

The audience, which is made up mostly of Scientians, were like a pack of hyenas last night, howling and shouting the moment the lights were turned off. During the course of the play, some were standing up, “ignorant” to the fact that they are blocking other people’s line of sight – though if they really were blissfully unaware of this situation, they don’t deserve to have a brain, much more a member of our hallowed student body.

Many were also complaining because the student audience was made to sit on the floor. I noticed this too. I can’t believe what I’m about to say, but I believe that the spectators of San Francisco High School’s play were more comfortable.

Even before the show has started, I had the feeling that something was wrong. The actors were roaming around the audience and it was only when the court started filling up that they were testing the microphones. That was just wrong.

The lights dim, and despite the heat, I shiver in anticipation waiting for the play to begin. The first song begins and I crane my neck as high as I can, almost kneeling, just to get a good view. The first song ends and I’m frowning in my seat. This is not what I expected. This is SO not what I expected.

The sound system was faulty, the stage was crowded, the lighting was horrible, the singers weren’t exceedingly good, and the dancing was lame. I can’t believe this! Maybe I just expected too much.

Of course, in darkness, there is always light. I would like to commend Ms. Kathleen Mae Villanueva for an exceptional portrayal of Jan, and Mr. Manfred Manalo in his role of Eugene. They were the only ones despite the main protagonists who seemed to catch my attention.

I can’t get over the thought that the SET was not well-prepared. In conclusion, the play had rough spots. Really, they could have done so much better.

What went wrong?

GLASS MANNEQUIN

2007-03-07T20:38:00.000+08:00

GLASS MANNEQUIN

I know I'm not perfect
I really don't care
I know my blunders and my mistakes
Don't use them against me
You're unfair
You're treading on grounds that were never yours
My mind and my body are mine alone
What do you want with me?
Do you want to dismantle
What little I am?
Leave! Go away!
I'm not yours.

What do you want with me?
I'm no doll, I'm not a toy
I have a heart that bleeds
Each time you speak
Can't you see I want to run away?
Stop!
You're hurting me! You've cut me deep!
The river flows, it never stopped
Tides rush past
I'm melting into nothingness.

I am fragile, I am weak
My heart is made of glass
I am human, I bleed
I cannot stop.
You can't make me into you
That's no excuse to hurt me!
Don't touch me, don't push me
Stop it! Stop!
You're breaking me, go away!

Shattered...

2007-03-04T17:20:00.000+08:00

meanwhile, this song is MY OWN SONG (oh-my-god i actually made chords!).. as in i did everything.. both the lyrics AND the music.. although the music ain't that good.. the lyrics are okay though..

by the way, this song works two ways.
1. it's to thank the people who have always been there for me, for making me feel worthy of life. i love you guys,so much..
2. it's a big f*** off to those people who have hurt me, and all the others who think badly of me, because of you guys i've learned not to care. so f*** off. i've got my life to live..

Thank You
Precious Gan

Intro: D A G E
D A G Em G Asus2

Intro: D A G E
D A G Em G Asus2

I.
D-E
Look out, I’m gonna come out
A7
I’m gonna stare you in the eye
C-D
No longer are you breaking my heart
E-A7
It’s over, move over
C
It’s time for you to listen now
F#m-G
and witness all the pain that you've caused

Refrain. [do intro chords]
Thank you, thank you
Now I can see
exactly where I should be
Thank you, thank you.
for opening my eyes
To see what I am inside

[intro]

I.
D-E
Listen can you hear me singing
A7
These are the lessons that I’ve learned
C
There are some things you cannot turn
D-E-A7
Around, to change the way that people see
C
Who it is that you choose to be
F#m-F#-G
They can't hurt me, they can't change me

[chorus]

[intro]

Asus2-A
Close the door
G
Turn away
C-G#m7
From the indifference, excitement
Em
Close your eyes
A
Feel your heart
G-Em-G-Asus2
And figure out who you are

[refrain x2]

[intro]
D

2007-03-04T17:13:00.000+08:00

ok..for a change..a few song lyrics naman..
this song has a weird set of words,but basically,it's a song of somebody who feels pressured because of the expectations amd roles she has to face..

These Shoes
Maria Mena

i said, i said, i said
i would cater to your ego
and fold my hands and pray for your religion
if you would love me and walk me everyday
you said, you said, you said
you would not let your indecision
get in the way of my night
but you still managed to bring your bad temper
to my little show

i cannot walk in these shoes
they hurt my toes
i cannot stay in your grip
you hurt my nose
i cannot walk in these shoes
they hurt my toes
i cannot stay in your grip
you hurt my nose
coz you squeeze too hard
let go of my head

they said, they said, they said
i should get a hobby like learn
to play the accordion to sell some of my records
but my fingers can't keep up

i cannot walk in these shoes
they hurt my toes
i cannot stay in your grip
you hurt my nose
i cannot walk in these shoes
they hurt my toes
i cannot stay in your grip
you hurt my nose
coz you squeeze too hard
let go of my head

i cannot walk in these shoes
they hurt my toes
i cannot stay in your grip
you hurt my nose
coz you squeeze too hard
let go of my head

2007-03-04T17:11:00.000+08:00

wow.. it's as if my blog has no other purpose but to serve as an archive for some of my more-likeable works..hehe..

2007-03-04T17:06:00.000+08:00

ALIPIN NG PAG-IBIG

mahirap magmahal ng taong hindi mo pinangarap

sa oras at panahon, palagi nalang salat

kahit na madalas alam niya ang linalaman ng isip

sa panahon na pinapangarap di mabatid ang damdamin

kay sakit magtiis ng paulit-ulit

tila kwerdas sa leeg na unti-unting humihigpit

ipit na tinig sa naninikip na lalamunan

marinig pa kaya ang sigaw ng nagdaramdam?

tila dugo na pumapatak unti-unti mula sa pulso,

at mga nag-iinit na sugat na pinakatatago

at ang luhang pumapatak ng paisa-isa

parang kandila ng pag-asang makasama siya...

unti-unting nauupos.

kailangan pa bang magpakasakit at malagutan ng hininga,

maging anghel o espiritu o multong di niya makikita

kung ito'y masakatuparan, hiling kaya'y mapagbigyan

na kahit anu pa mangyari, sa piling mo'y di mawawalan?

kay hirap gawing manhid ang pusong dumaraing

di lang sakit ang nawawala kundi pati paglambing

ang sitwasyon na lalo lamang lumalala

makatatakas pa ba at makakalaya?

ngunit ang bihag na umiibig buong lugod magpapapiit

hangga't naisin pa ng bantay na siya'y makapiling

tuloy ang pagnanasang balang araw masuklian,

sakit at dusa dala ng pag-aasam...

...sa pag-ibig ng panginoong habambuhay pagsisilbihan

at tanging pag-ibig niya ang nais ng lingkod makamtan

sana nga'y ang mapaglarong oras ay bumilis at manatili

sa panahong kahit sa anino man lamang niya ako'y mananatili.

2007-03-04T17:02:00.000+08:00

I AM

A person can be described in many ways. He is a creation of God, a servant. But he is also the lord and stewardess of everything else on earth. He is a solitary being who is born alone and will die alone, yet he cannot live alone. A person is a complex creature and could hardly be classified even by the best scientist or greatest philosophers.
The way I see it, one can be a person on account of two things – humanity and individuality. These two must work hand in hand to produce a person. Otherwise, one would only be a human or an individual.
To be human, we need to be alive. To live, we must maximize the use of what senses we have. We must savor our lives, to see, to hear, to feel, to taste and to feel everything around us. Therefore, to live my life to the fullest, I must experience what I can, I must make choices and decide what paths I must take, what actions I must do, bearing in mind my limits and responsibilities. I must learn.

I SEE.
I grew up in a world that may not be sheltered, but is, in a way, apart from everyone else’s. I was not aware of how other people lived their lives, or how it was on the other side. When I entered Quezon City Science High School, I was exposed to many different kinds of people. Some who were rich and some who were poor, some people who were smart and some who were just real good in studying, some who took responsibility for their actions, some who’d rather blame it on others.
Before I entered high school, I thought of it as a fairy tale. A place where I would learn, live and love. Yes, I did get to do all this, but high school is more than just that. High school is a journey, a plane ride on an unchartered course, with the windows all open. You can feel the harsh wind rushing past, tearing through you and blowing you away, crushing the breath out of you, until you’re nearly limp and lifeless. But still you must hang on, and grab on whatever you can, because you must be there when the plane lands, wherever it lands, before you can move on into a life you know will be worth living.

I HEAR.
My tenure as a staff member of our school newspaper did more than just give me an addditional headache, which is the pressure of meeting deadlines. It also opened my eyes to a brand new horizon, and my ears to the voices of my fellow students. I knew things I never thought I’d know – things other members of our student body would still be ignorant of were it not for the journalism staff.
I heard myself express an opinion. In writing, I heard my voice immortalized in paper, where other people could hear what I had to say and I know that someday, future generations of Scientians would be reading it as well, in their own back copies or in passing, moving on to a much more worthwhile editorial. Maybe something with greater social relevance, or something of more depth. But my voice will forever be on those pages, and I have left a legacy of my own.

I SMELL.
My stint as a COCC (Cadet Officers Candidate Course) cadet taught me camaraderie, discipline and humility. This was the first time I had made friends on my own, and felt the bond of people who suffered together, who shared the same pains and woes, at least on a physical level. I have learned to hurriedly change my clothes, pin on my nameplate, wear a hairnet and make sure everything is in order before rushing to the training area with my “buddies”.
I have smelled the pungent odor of sweat, of my own and of others. As well as the smell of the ground after it has rained, or that of the earth on a hot, dry day. I have smelled defeat, when I go home feeling dejected, feeling that I’m not as “snappy” as I aspire to be. But I have also smelled victory, graduating from something I had worked so hard for, something that I have dreamed of becoming ever since I was in the lower ranks of elementary education. Finally, I am a CAT Cadet Officer.

I TOUCH.
Perhaps the greatest thing I learned in high school is that young as I am, no matter how insignificant I may be against well known students, popular artists or notorious politicians, I can still touch lives. I can still be an important part of other people’s most treasured experiences, and I can still influence their thoughts and emotions.
I learned that though I am nothing, I am worth something. I know that in my own way I have changed others, for better or for worse, and that somehow I had helped mold them into what they are now. I can see it. In my friends, in the people I have grown to love and will love, even as we grow older, because they too had a significance in my life. They too have changed me, molded me into what I am now.

I TASTE.
Each year in high school I go through a new experience that helps me understand what certain emotions really mean. I learn that they’re not just words. In fact, words alone cannot be able to describe how it is to taste fear, pride, awe, guilt, hate and love.
I have a seen a close friend battle with his nemesis, though in the end, his battle was with himself. I have felt how it is to have people look up to you, to adore you after you have done something worth their attention, yet I have also felt how it is to be ignored, to be invisible. I found out how to hurt another person, with the things I say and do, and how to seek retribution for my sins, to repent and wish I had not done what I did. I have learned how to pray, not with the memorized lines I have learned as a child, but with words straight from my soul. I have learned to thank God, to praise Him, and in my most desperate moments, to ask for help.

I have learned how it is to hate someone so deeply, that hate turns to passion, to perseverance to become someone so much better than what she thinks she is. I am also lucky enough to have learned love. From my classmates, from my friends, from my COCC “buddies” and from people whose love exceeds that of just a friend. The love of people I have treated as brothers and sisters, and people whose love exceeds even that, as if they were an indispensable part of my being - these people who left their marks in my heart.
The most important thing I have learned in high school must be to treasure those simple moments I spend with those whom I care for so much. That the world bites, but it doesn’t matter, because I have my friends, family, my guardian angel and God on my side.
Now you ask, how then could I say that I also have individuality?
I recognize my humanity and I value it. I appreciate the things around me and that fact that I could cherish and interact with them. I am special and I am one and alone. No one else could be me or be like me. I am special. Not many people know this about themselves, which makes me unique.

I am human. I am an individual. I am BOTH human and individual. I have defined myself: I AM.

2007-03-01T16:42:00.000+08:00

nakapag-confirm na ko sa up!!!

2007-03-01T10:27:00.001+08:00

Depression
~yet another useless monologue~

What is this word that many use so loosely? Do they really understand it? Do they even know it? Do they even care?
You feel sad, maybe troubled, maybe frustrated – you say you’re depressed. You broadcast it to the whole world and ask people for solutions. Is that what you think it is? Do you really think you’re depressed?
No, you’re not.
Have you ever snuck into an empty room, as empty as you feel, and cried your heart out for no discernible reason?
Have you hurt yourself in places nobody else could see? Maybe banged yourself up bad on a few occasions, managing to hide whatever marks you had left – the torn skin, the bruises, the bumps and the scars.
Have you found pain enjoyable, if only to provide momentary pause to your misery?
Have you ever locked yourself in the bathroom, or anywhere else where no one can hear you, screaming in your anguish, and sitting there for hours with the water running, pounding your fists and your head on the wall, slamming your body against it, pulling at your hair, feeling lost and confused – and that throbbing you feel still can’t conceal the burning marks from the shrapnel that hit you from your internal battle?
Do you feel alone, even in a group? Do you choose to stay alone because you feel that it’s the only way you won’t be troubling anyone else with your dilemma, because they won’t understand anyway, and you’re not sure if they would even try.
Would you rather sit in your own little corner and be ignored by everyone who, if you were only up to the challenge, you would want nothing more than to please? Would you rather write random words, whatever that comes into your head, making incomprehensible sentences, and just tearing up the paper afterwards? Or do you write for the sake of writing, not caring if others read your thoughts, because you know that no one will be able to comprehend anyway.
Do you suffer in isolation BECAUSE of your isolation, and shrink at the thought of a crowd? Do you keep company, hoping for that warmth you so long sought after, but in the end just being thankful when they leave you alone… and later on regretting what you’ve earlier wished for? And perhaps this is not an eternal combat in which you rage, but something that comes and goes as it pleases – and when it goes, it leaves you its ghost, scaring you out of your wits, and promising its return.
Do you cower in fear of people knowing your true state? Do you tremble at the thought that someone will find out what keeps you up at night – what, you still can’t figure out. Do you hide behind a mask, behind a moat of lies, bubbling with deceit, do you wrap your soul in many layers, and surround yourself with a wall so thick, and guard yourself with so many clever traps and loopholes, that you form for yourself an impenetrable shield – but you’re not so sure if you want a shield.
Do you find peace only in the dead of the night, when you can stay up, all alone, with no one else around to bother you, letting your tears fall – because you need to let them fall – praying desperately to whoever is out there, to whoever may be listening, to change things, to wake you up from this horrible nightmare, to save you – to save you now! – To take you away…
Do you have mood swings - those wretched tremors in your system? Do you feel the emotions - that fire running through you, in your blood – passing through your veins, your lungs, your heart, taking over all of you – conquering you, when all you want is to be free from all those tyrannies that you have to endure, knowing that this power that your passions - these foolish sensation, these dreams and wishes – have over you is in fact yet another dictatorship! Do you feel the need to express yourself, but never finding the RIGHT words?
Do you feel alone, despite our massive population, despite the millions of people milling about around you? Do you find the seclusion echoing in that bare space it has left within you, somewhere within you, yet to be discovered? Do you feel cold and shattered – as if you were broken? As if there is something wrong with you. Maybe there is… Can you relate to my questions?
Do you?
If you do, come to me… I need to know you… Please, I need to…
Are you out there? Are you like me too?

2007-03-01T10:07:00.000+08:00

CONFESSIONS ON LIVING A LIE

One thing that often gets on my nerves is how people respond to the question “why do you study?’ especially how you could easily classify majority of these people into three groups according to the answers they give.
These are the Dreamers, the Oppressed, and the Martyrs. The Dreamers are those who emphasize the need of a good job and their hopes for a better tomorrow. The oppressed are those who feel that they need to study because their life depended on it, or simply because their parents made them study. Then there are the martyrs, who find it their duty so they could someday repay their debts to society, to family, and to God.
Really, have you ever heard of any lamer excuse for living?
Yes, life. For the fundamental stages of a person’s life, studying occurs in school, and if my comrades in this epic battle against terror teachers and mountains of requirements have only the aforementioned motivation for staying in school, then it is really a mystery to me why they still haven’t all dropped out.
Yes, I admit. I too was a dreamer, an oppressed, a martyr. Looking back to what I have done with my school life, I wonder if maybe I’m just weak, because you know what? I gave up.
For nine months, I stopped studying. Yes, I still went to school, and sometimes to class. I copied notes and shared what I understood with those who needed it. But my “studying” stopped there. I left test questions blank for lack of interest, and failed to submit my requirements because I no longer really cared. I skipped class, slept in class, daydreamed in class or didn’t go to school for days. The only things I ever worked for were group projects, burdened by the thought of dragging other people down.
Do you wonder what I did with all my newly found free time?
On my own, I lived. I lied down on the benches and stared up at the dusty sky, under the shade of the mango tree ridden with higads. I sat in the gazebo watching everything that’s happening around me, seeing a teacher trip or friends moving into a group hug. I walked around the school grounds and took in all the sights, smells and sounds – even the not so pleasant ones.
Whenever I had company, I lived. We would joke around, ask questions, talk. We would laugh, reminisce, and cry. We learned things we would never have found out listening to 1-hout lectures in our classrooms, and these are the lessons we cherished. It was because of these talks I got to know myself.
It was then I realized my mistake. The reason for my apathy is not of any medical nature, nor is it any form of delinquency; I just didn’t have any reason to study!
Thirteen years of school, since the dawn of my youth. Being a Scientian, I was obviously a bright child. I entered school without hardly knowing how to speak in full English sentences, and ignorant of the Filipino language. Thirteen years, I struggled with my natural laziness to keep my grades up.
Why? This I would confess in paper only once. Growing up, with the idea of being “the making and unmaking of the family”, is difficult. There is and always will be an image to maintain, a standard to set, a responsibility to fulfill. There will always be expectations, and nothing you do will ever seem to be enough, for each success will set more goals, and each failure will seem to garner more disappointment.
It was a tragic system that made one feel like a dog, having to go through the entire reward-and-punishment system. Each success would be awarded with a momentary breather, and every failure would tighten the hypothetical grip around one’s neck.
I studied to make my parents proud. I tried everything to make them proud; I tried to do everything I can, because I knew I can. Yet, with all the intelligence I have been gifted with, I failed to see that what I was doing was wrong.
For nine months, I dwelled in the shadows of failure and apathy; I swam in the waters of disappointment; I walked in the valleys of mediocrity. I took a break, shut out the world, and went on an internal journey, and re-emerged into reality a new being.
Why does this new person study? It’s simple, because she wants to learn. Because she is willing to spend five more years of her life trying to discover herself, to travel through the streets of conventional and unconventional education, in order to discover life.
This person wants to know life – how to stay happy, and make others happy; how to love selflessly and be loved back; how to remain in control of the things that need to be controlled, and how to surrender to the things that were meant to be; to live, love and die.
School, with all its nonsense subjects and requirements, is utterly pointless and useless, and a definite waste of time. It rarely teaches us anything we can use in real life. But the different people we meet along the way, along with our triumphs and letdowns, are the things we must truly study.
We study life because we wish to live. The moment we give up studying – the real studying – is the moment we die. We may live, but we are dead nonetheless.

2007-03-01T03:01:00.000+08:00

so listen up

the sun hasn't set

i refuse to believe that it's only me who feels it

my blog is once again up and running.. finally with a new template.. thanks to paulo for reminding me that this blog still exists and for not hating me for also using meebo.. not that he already knows. :p
it's already 3am, and i've been up since 1.30, desperately trying to open the UP Computerized Registration System Website. Today is the first day of confirmation of the decision to enroll, and really, if they include online confirmation in their options, they SHOULD at least give out information on what time we should start confirming, coz really, if you put up a site and don't mention a time, die-hard incoming college freshmen such as myself would wake up at ungodly hours and DESPERATELY try to open the site, which is still not available at this time!!!
geez..
meanwhile, i'm just trying to write.i have three more essays due in creative writing yesterday. once again, i am totally cramming...
hay..

2007-02-04T07:39:00.000+08:00

some things happened this week.. some things that inspired me to write these whatever stuff.. thought i'd share it to the world.. just in case you're wondering, some of these are directed to friends of mine, though they may not know it.. that's the reason why this blog's been made anyway, to chronicle my life and the lives of those who matter to me.. yes, i admit this blog has in fact been stagnating for so long, but i'm back, and so are my words.

change - the rally against rallies
i never thought of myself as a leader, but i do know that i can make a difference. maybe it won't change a lot of lives, maybe at most a few. but i know i can help. if my means are different than everyone else's, well, i don't care. at least i tried to change the world my own way, than just jumped into the bandwagon of old ideas and methods that have proven their misworth time and again, and have just made things worse than before. i do not dream of a perfect world, but something a bit better than what we have now is very much needed. just a little more fairness, just a hint of justice, just a bit of open-mindedness and a tiny pinch of love. who knows? maybe someday, someone far more superior than me, smarter, wiser, who has the makings of a leader, would make use of the little things i've done to make the world a better place. then i would've succeeded far more than those who went in great numbers and just proved detrimental to society. then i'd have proven that i was right, then i would have made a difference.

depression part 1
hindi ko alam, hindi ko maintindihan. bakit ba ako nagagalit? bakit ba napakasama ng loob ko? ang pagpatak ng luha ko'y walang maiturong dahilan! ano ba ang problema? hindi ko alam, hindi ko alam! Diyos ko, nalilito na ako! para akong paru-parong lumilipad sa gabing walang buwan, walang kulisap, at natutulog na ang lahat ng mga mamamayan. ano ba itong sakit na dinaranas? o sana'y bigyang lunas ang aking sakit, bigyan ako ng kasagutan! tulong, tulong... nais ko nang makaalpas mula sa pagkakasadlak sa piitan ng lihim! dali! aking hininga'y naghihikahos, habang apoy ng pag-asa'y unti-untinh nauupos... pagod na pagod na ako't hindi na makagalaw, dahan-dahan nang namamatay...

my lost causes
what is it that lurks in the depths of your hearts? for years i have known you and stayed by your side. if you can't see me, maybe i was just busy with my own life, but i've always come back for you, haven't i? or were you too distracted to notice? i've always been waiting for you to turn to me, to let me in, to let me help. if there were times i seemed tired of it, maybe it's because you don't notice my efforts. but i am here, and still am. i hope you know. why did you have to do this to yourself? i don't know what to do with you people anymore...

grace
how do you comfort someone who's lost a child, not once, but twice?
amidst the warmth of the sun and the chill of the wind, someone shivers in the corner, trying to cry out all the pain, mumbling words of comfort to herself, but never listening..
'tis a dark, gloomy day in the hearts of this land, how can i of such insignificance bring light to those who suffer? i am nothing, and their ache is great..
i don't know what to do..

2006-02-25T11:55:00.000+08:00

hehehe,, quezon city science high school's junior senior promenade..
sa madaling salita prom namin kgbi..astig nga cia eh,,
grbe mahal ko na si ms hilario!!
pumayag ciang lumagpas kme ng 12am.. at least man lng 1230 am kme ntpos.. astig!!lemme see.. anu b gnwa qng preparations??
...
i woke up around 7 am yta or 8.. ubo2 p rn, tas todo migraine! tas my ngtxt c akn,, asking me if alm q n cancelled ang classes [although wala nmn tlga kme lhat plano pumasok.. haller? prom day papasok?!?!] because of 'massive troop movement'.. bka rw coup d'etat n.. tas my text galing c dad q na 'huag papasok c school, huag lalabas ng camp' tas imomonitor nlng kng ok lng n mg-attend aq ng prom..
WHAT?!?! shet nmn oh.. of all days.. dpt c sunday nlng cla ngkagulo.. pra umabot man lang ng monday ang wlang pasok.. di pa nadisturb ang prom q..anyways.. aun, life goes on.. astig nga eh.. nglakad2 kme mlapit c haus.. tas my nkta kmeng 10 6x6 trucks, tas ndun p ung service ng phil. air force tska my isa pang tank n d p dndeploy.. aus dba? pro hanep.. kng ngka2gulo man c labas, d q nra2mdaman, xcept dun c news tska c mga txt ng mga concerned friends.. grbe ntouch aq.. serioso.. eniwei aun.. i thnk mas nttkot c gulo ung mga tao c lbas ng camp kesa c amin eh.. kc aq ang main concern q is kng ma22loy p b ang prom and if pa2yagan p b aq pmnta.. anyways.. i tried calling the school nga pla to ask kng 2loy ang prom.. pro wlang sumasagot.. *gonk* ang cheap ng school. wlang answering machine.. aun.
tas after lunch, pmnta n aq ng parlor.. lapit lng c haus.. walking distance.. i thnk around 1-130pm n un.. i got made-up, tas i had my hair and nails done.. ntpos kme 3.30 sumthng.. tas aun, umuwi, ngbihis.. ang astig ng gown q.. la lng.. kso mdyo my problem c top.. pro carry q nmn eh. :P
alis kme ng haus mga 4something.. andun n q c celebrity [dun ung prom..] before 430.. so nagregister aq, c aidz plang ung pde qng ksma nun.. tas ngtxt c eya, pnuntahan nmin cia c cr ng girls c baba.. GRABE! 3.30 p pla cia dun,, tas c cr lng cia 2mambay.. EXCITED!! tas we kept telling her na she looked good kc she kept on saying ang pangit rw nia pro ayw nia nmn mniwla.. tas ang daya nga kc later on sbi ni froilan ang ganda nia tas sbi ni eya mabait rw cia.. smntalang kme.. grr.. mdya.. :p
aun.. tas ngpa-pic n kme ng mga solo nmin n eya, tas snundo nmin c kylie.. tas dumatng n rn c kylie,, tas ngp2long aq ausin ung gown q.. nkkhiya nga eh, ang tagal nmin..tas aun. pag-akyat nmin, lapit n pumila.. by that time kumpleto na buddies nmin as far as curie goes.. c curie ang wla nlng nun c faye at c van.. tas dumating c van, d mrunong mgtali ng necktie.. grbe! PNAGKAGULUHAN NG BOYS! hahaha.. asaran moment 2 eh..
tas aun n,, mdyo mgulo ung pgpila nmin, pro 2mino din, tas ngproceed n kme dun c stairs na aakyatan nmin for d entrance.. picture picture on the way.. dumating c faye nung ndun n kme c lobby.. grbe ang ganda nming lahat.. as in WOW!

tas aun, pasok n kme.. mdyo my konting kalokohan muna habang nkapila.. hehe.. antagal nung walking2 ceremony whatever.. ndmi png bloopers.. gimiks.. ansaya pramis.. bbli aq ng video.. swear! tas aun, pnaupo n kme.. hanep ngkagulo! pro eniwei,, kain2, sarap ng food.. tas nglakwatsa kme ni eya dun c dpt nming table.. lnipat kc kme ng table eh. andaya.

tas announcement ng nominees.. ung c third year, prom prince & princess, cinderella & prince charming, tska teachers of the night.. eniwei.. astig. panalo lhat ng binoto q..

prom prince --> carl de guzman
prom princess --> melissa claire bautista
cinderella --> lara rebekah gimelo
prince charming --> john paul manalili
ms teacher of the night --> ms elvie hermano
mr teacher of the night --> mr ian mark allas

hahaha.. go sis! prom princess astig.. pra kmeng mga nanay, proud.. lalo n c jigz! grbe,, pra ciang nanay nung knukunan nmin ng pic si sassa. nsa gitna p nga kme eh.. hehe.. lang pakelamanan. barkada namin yan eh! anyways, bgo ung awarding ng mga yan, dance part 1 muna,, bgo un cotillon de honor.. grbe!! ang galing tlga n hazel!! khit kelan.. grbe..

ngpicture2 nga pla kme c stage, i thnk during sayawan n un.. kmeng mga buddies c cocc.. knukunan kme ng officers.. grbe ang saya tlga.. iba n tlga.. ang sarap mging cocc.. i love my buddies!! kht na ano pang hirap ibigay c amin ng officers aus lng, sympathize nmn kme lhat..

tas after ng cotillon, sayawan n.. part 1.. onga pla.. my merit kc ang mga may date, secret kung ilan. kea lhat kme nghanap ng date.. c cathy date c michael, c therese c gudo, date q c jr, ung date ni kylie secret namin lahat, tas c aple at c klyn la yta date.. pnpilit nga nmin c aple cla nlng n aidz mgdate kso ayw nila preho. gus2 nla prehas mg-stag. pro gaguhan, all through out the night cla nmn mgkasama, mga pasaway!.

ay onga pla, sbi n eya ung prom prang practice nia n for her debut,, so ngbi2lang tlga cia.. dpat 18 different guys ang masayaw nia, ewan q lng kng ilan nga b nsayaw nia..

eniwei, aq d p yta umabot c kalahati ng goal n eya eh. my 4 nga plng my utang c akn n dance.. c michael, c rico at c manfred... isayaw nio q nxt prom ha! buti p c van, cia p ngpa-alala c akn n d nia q nsyaw, forgiven,, pro isayaw mo rn aq nxt yir ah!

ung mga i2 lng ung mga guys n ngsyaw c akn --> jr, paulo, aidz, paul, gudo, bren, juane, froilan, kevin.. tas dpt sa2yaw kme ni sir mark dun c isang song n gus2 q kc chacha cia tas alng ibang mrunong *what is it with these people?!?!* pro d n2loy.. aun.. lumagpas n pla aq c gitna.. 10 dances.. not bad.. slamat c mga ngsayaw c akn..

tas ang saya saya q.. kasi ndming ngdance n gus2 q mgdance,, sassa w/ froilan, chloe w/ justin, mikki w/ jr, rico w/ kylie, jeffrey w/ cathy, kng mron p man dyan ibng ngsyaw n gus2 q d q n sure,, pro im so happy kc ung c iba dyan, i helped make it happen.. astig dba,

pra p nmn aqng timang.. i was crying all night long.. i was enjoying, pro umiiyak p rn aq.. ang weird2 q nga eh, iba2 n kc ung mga dahilan ng pag-iyak q.. worried, happy, proud, scared, sad, senti.. grbe.. dmi kc ngyri kgbi.. cgro tinitiis nlng aq kgbi ng mga ksma q.. i know i was stupid, i just can't help it..thank you nga pla c mg ksma q kgbi, lahat keo.. c barkada q, c buddies q, c friends q, c inyong lahat:

slamat tlga.. that night was special..
sna d nlng cia ntapos. sna maulet.
sna nxt year tyong lhat, sma2 ulit..

2006-02-19T20:08:00.000+08:00

2006-02-05T22:07:00.000+08:00

yes.. a new blog.. i hope this one will last..

i'm finishing an essay for a reader's digest contest..

more posts.. rants.. raves.. and crap to follow..

just let me finish what i'm doing..

Chronicles of Dreams :: Another Chapter

We're Still Blessed

Walang Kwenta [Blockmates please read postscript only]

Tama Ba Naman Yun?

Nananadya ang McDo Soundspeople

Top 10 Reasons Why I Shouldn't Be Loved

URGENT APPEAL FOR MORE VOLUNTEERS FOR THE TRANSFER OF FORMER PRES AQUINO'S WAKE TODAY

Paano mag-Nobody si Scooby Doo?

Intertwined

Symptoms of a Work-aholic

That Certain Oomph

PRECIOUS needs A HOME

A Real Sad Story

100 Truths ... Procrastination Edition

PAMANA

No Pain, No Pain

Useless - Imogen Heap

The Important Things

Damned

Dear Multiply

er...

Someday...

Of Blogs and Lies

Exhausted

Pre's Top 3 Pitfalls of Common Courtesy

UP Survey [taken from ate lyrpa]

New Song. Yey!

Leave Me Alone

The Worst Thing

WANTED: Creative, Artistic, Promising Fashion Designers

Calling All Amateur Shirt Designers! Wear Your Art!

help needed: interview with an activist - yung online ngayon at pwede kong makausap

Bane

New Song!!! NOTHING

Overdosed

The Pensieve: Preparing For Hell. :D

Ten Conyomandments (stolen from Selah)

Stealing Surveys (thanks agnes may. :p)

PRE-ENLISTMENT SCHEDULE FOR THE SECOND SEMESTER 2008-2009

LR at 5!

Excited Na Ko!

!!! DISCLAIMER !!!

Of Friends, Music, and Lots of Words

Mga aral na natutunan sa pagiging isang UP JPIA APP[S] 50.

Reproductive health bill: Facts, fallacies

FINALLY

finally, some improvement. although mas okay sana if it wasn't so obvious that these guys just want to look good...

Senators to GMA: Guide us in crisisBy Aurea Calica Saturday, July 26, 2008

You don't know how much you hurt me.

ASC Statement on Boycott of July 10 Classes

Some Fun

Sa Bawat Araw na Ginawa ng Diyos...

badtrip!!!

Will Cook. Don

Dear You. [stolen from gabby]

Beautiful Pig

You're So Dramatic

Somewhere in the Middle

Another Monologue on Choices and Such

Junior Kelloggs - A Brief Memoir -

Hung-Over

Just Hold Me

THAT DAY, I DIED

What Went Wrong?

GLASS MANNEQUIN

Senators to GMA: Guide us in crisis
By Aurea Calica
Saturday, July 26, 2008